Love and Labels

In retail/department stores, there are different classifications, sub-departments and between those departments, there are different variations of materials, style and colors. During the inventory, it helps the stock controllers adjust the discrepancies or the problems within the stock.

Now that was the retailer’s perspective, but usually, we have the consumer’s perspective.Everyone is a consumer, but not everyone can be literally a retailer.

In our everyday lives, departments and divisions help to filter the things we need to look for. Take for example the grocery store, imagine if every item is arranged alphabetically, it would be a total chaos. The reason they have specific sections for Dairies, Sweets, Toiletries, Frozen food keeps our lives easier by a minute.

By this time, you might think and say these are all common sense – usually, we unconsciously forget the simple things until it was reminded to us. Tricks look so simple after magicians revealed the technique – but left us either dumbfounded or amazed during the performance.

This short blog is about humanity’s dependence about labels and how it affects relationships or how we view relationships (either with a partner or with a group). Labels are society’s one way of accepting or rejecting an idea. Labels keep our lives easier but at some point, the labelled people are having a hard time.

Topics for labelled people or labelled groups are so wide that separate sub-topics are already covered for sure in a plethora of websites, blogs and articles.

Variations can be religion, culture, race, gender and other topics.

All are very sensitive issues and probably everyone has their own opinions based on conspiracies or maybe based on facts.

Labels does not only helps us to recognize, choose and reject the things we think are necessary, materialistically speaking, but like said before, socially as well. In a small community, sub-groups can be highly noticed depending on the label.

Let’s say the work environment is a small community. Race is definitely a form of “label”. Working outside the country in a multi-cultured environment can be challenging – most especially if it was the first time. You meet people with a different culture, with a different language and with a different religion maybe, outside your comfort zone. It is going to be a full adjustment on your side. The first thing you’ll look after are the people in the same race. Why? Finding people in the same race can filter the closest culture, language and religion. Same race = same other sub-labels in a community, mostly.

With labels, finding a group or a category we can be a part of makes it a hell lot easier. Though with every pros, comes cons.

The dominant people in these groups can take advantage of those who are lost and trying to find somewhere they belong. Songs like “Somewhere I belong” by Linkin Park and “Creep” by Radiohead – defines how us humans are struggling to find groups and how we fear for being ostracized (banished from societies). Just imagine how the third sex struggles for acceptance in a conservative, religious country. Same as the request for labels between being boyfriend, girlfriend into husband and wife and the best example maybe is the battle for position in terms of hierarchy of labels in a company (manager, directors, assistant, etc.)

According to the book of a psychologist named David Raney, “As a primate, you are keen to social cues that portend your possible ostracism from an in-group. In the wild, banishment equals death. So it follows that YOU WORK TO FEEL INCLUDED because the feeling of being left out, being the last to know, being the only one not invited to the party, is a deep and severe wound to your emotional core.” – Let’s face it, even the most introverted person needed a group somehow. Well a conference of introverts is hard to imagine, but I can see different people in hoodies holding a phone, wearing earphones sitting in dividers clapping alone in their personal space bubble. Kind of weird and funny but I can consider myself as an occasional introvert – Ambivert maybe if it is the official term for that?

Anyways, the reason why people fall in love faster in an environment which they left out or alone for the first time is very much often.

Now in that same environment you are not so much familiar, you tend to be afraid of losing someone that possibly treats you not well enough just for the fear of being left out and alone again.

The solution can be well of in the mind as well, either we tend to get used to the person/group and wait to have a better treatment from that particular person/group, or find a better person/group.     As of July 2015, there are 7.3 billion people in the world – though more options means more confusion, choices are necessary to know what we really desire and how to have it.

Labels might be infuriating and a mess but labels are necessary that will always separate us from others but for now, we can depend on it as a human nature’s way of organizing things. 

Jesus! Even this post needs labels.

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Predestiny (shorts)

Little Johnny was raised in an orphanage run by priests and nuns. As a boy, he was always curious. There was a time when he's about four years of age. He was escorted by a priest, walking cheerfully towards the clinic.

Johnny said "vitamins?".

The priest smiled and nodded, "for what, my boy?".

Johnny scratched his eyebrows "to make me a strong boy!".

"Yes, little Johnny. Someday you are not going to be little anymore and you will need all the strength you can have while you're young. Physically and spiritually of course. Go in first, son"


Little Johnny went straight to the seat he climbed on to. As Johnny looked up to the young nurse, he smiled and showed something his well-known of in the orphanage, gapped front teeth. As usual, nurse Emily was amused.

The nurse took her flavored popsicle stick. "Say Ahh, little Johnny. Are you alright now?"

Little Johnny spoke while his mouth was being inspected, blurbing the words "Yes, I am. I just sneezed a little bit Ms Emily."


The nurse smiled and gave little Johnny the weekly booster and vitamins for extra protection against the flu. She really appreciates little Johnny's politeness and the Priest couldn't agree less. Johnny smiled and said to nurse Emily "Can I?" while holding already the stethoscope. He tried it on and start talking to the diaphragm.

While little Johnny was distracted, nurse Emily was amused. She looked back at the Priest and said, "Father, I'm sure he's going to be a good doctor!".

Father Enriquez smiled, while rubbing the boy's hair saying "God have good plans for this boy and for all of us, Emily.".

"I'm sure He does!" said gracefully by Emily.

....

Looking back at the past, listening to the conversation of Father Enriquez and nurse Emily. I asked myself, this plan is cruel.

Wondering to pull this trigger, as the burst of the bullet through this brain. This will be my last thought.

Like any other orphans, they said God has perfect plans, especially for us. Little Maddie, my best friend was sheltered by a family of pedophiles. She died when she was 10 - raped almost every day for more than a year. Her body could not take any more lacerations and abuse from this cruel predestination. Justice afterlife? The dad, the brother and the supporting mother were never found. The new case arrives, old cases are set aside. Long forgotten. Why can't little fucking Maddie have the justice before and after life? What lessons will be fucking remembered, and understood when the learner is dead. There's no fucking moral in the story when it comes to tragedy.

I guess from the moment they "bought" us and promise us the best life we could ever have, only a few "I know" lived up to the expectations.

Now I'm ending mine. I'm ending this path.This is my end part of His plans for me. Right before from the start, does He knew that my path leads to what believers called "Hell" or in other terms - eternal torment because you had the free fucking will, God, already decided a long time ago? Is heaven composed of selfish and pompous people happy that they are there and others they know are in hell? Or does Heaven is a place to justify conformity by literally removing the conscience of people. "Because hey, we're in heaven, we felt good, we did our part in saving your souls! Your suffering does not affect me even if we spend almost a lifetime together. I told you to follow 'His Plans' not your plans. Forget about the times I said 'you always have the choice' because come on! Religion is all about intimidation and some of the Pascal's Wager."

I'm pathetic, smiling with a gun shoved into my throat. Having a Fight Clubesque kind of a scene.

The main question was, why are we given these beliefs. To have a better sanity when things don't go our way- a simple explanation our mind can easily understand?

We are pawns. Set of choices was given to us, but like a fucking maze with one beginning and one ending. We are given some set of directions or maybe not. We get lost in the way, but no matter what we do - we need to find that one exit.

If I did a mistake?
"God has better plans for you, just wait and see."

So should I blame Him?
"Blaming would only make things worse, let's move on and hope for the better."

If the next mistake caused death, is it part of the plan?
"The enemy which is evil causes these things."

Wait. I thought we shouldn't blame. So He allowed it? Because someone might learn something from there, is that it?
Let me get this straight. When things go wrong = enemy/God, because God allows it for us to learn from it, and this "enemy" does bad things so he gets credit also. When things are running smoothly = God, because that was His plan all along that we can't figure out. Why? Because we can't fucking predict the future.

A moment of silence to my pretentious alter-ego.

This uniform belief leads to controlled chaos because everyone had their own definitions. Everyone has their own sets of normality and morality. If a child learned that fending off black people was fucking right, bombing and killing them is gonna be his view of the right thing. He can be proud that his God made this plan for me, and he complied. He can celebrate. It's a sick world out here. Different leaders trying to take devotees as much as they can to build a society that will support their "normality". I can't live like this.

I'll find you, Little Maddie. If everything is destined, God already chose who will be saved and who will rot. This is the path I chose.

I am tired of Earth, these people. I'm tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives. Who makes the world? Perhaps the world is not made. Perhaps nothing is made. Perhaps it simply is, has been, will always be there. A clock without a craftsman.They claim their labors are to build a heaven, yet their heaven is populated with horrors. Perhaps the world is not made. Perhaps nothing is made. A clock without a craftsman. It's too late. Always has been, always will be...too late.  - Dr. Manhattan (Watchmen, 2009)

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Quitting a bad habit

In our lifetime, we might be able to know or befriend with somebody who happens to be either a drinker, a smoker, a stoner or all of the above. If you don't know one, congratulations! You are the one.

Everyone justifies their habit on why it is better than other vices. An alcoholic would say, better to drink than smoke, a smoker would say better smoke cigarettes than weeds, and a stoner would say.. depending on the type. A try hard would say, "smoke.weed.forevs" or "420 blaze it". A casual would say, "nobody died from weeds man. It's all conspiracy. It's safer than tobacco. It's an alternative medicine!". The best answers are the high ones. They won't care and just offer you a joint or a hit.

We have the nature to defend our habits and characteristics. We feel threatened when someone questions the things we do. Most reactions are "Only God can judge me" bullshit. Yeah, that's what criminals say to after they done a crime. To make them feel better on what they did. (Side note: In federal prisons, the United States, only 0.07% are Atheists. Most are Christians. Either they are already religious when they commit a crime or converting is their escape goat from judgement) Some acknowledge the bad effects, but most would compare it to a worse vice and then find small things that prove theirs are safe. Most lines were "I know someone who did what I'm doing until her 70's, and look at her! Still alive and well" - Bitch, she's 40 that looked like 70 from smoking too much. Or like my sample earlier "Better this than that which is much worse!"

I don't drink often, I tried smoking only a few times and I wanted to be a chill stoner but don't have the accessibility for the stuff. I thought I'm saved from these vices. From these addictions. The problem is, what we do we thought normal was on addicting scale already. We just can't see and accept it because it became part of our daily regime.

In a book I'm reading, You are now less dumb, I first encountered the term "Sunk Cost Fallacy". According to their site - You are not so smart (link), I quote:

The Misconception: You make rational decisions based on the future value of objects, investments and experiences.
The Truth: Your decisions are tainted by the emotional investments you accumulate, and the more you invest in something the harder it becomes to abandon it. "

In the chapter and in this article, one of the best example they had been Farmville. When it was famous back then, 84 million accounts/people had tried to play it. It was not because it was really fun, no. It was because of the time you need to spend and wait just for the virtual outcome which is the harvest, it's really hard to let go. Now, I noticed this also to the latest players of Clash of Clans. A social mini-game that devours your time. Because you need to watch over and protect your virtual civilization. The more you spend your time with it, the more you feel bad quitting. "I've spent so much, why would I stop now?". That's why you can't understand a friend of yours staying with his/her partner despite the toxicity level of their relationship. You ask them - "How could you stay this far this guy/girl?" That's the problem, they stayed that far. It's no longer the relationship their holding on to, but with their memories and the invested time, effort and money.

To cut the explanation short, sunk costs fallacy and addiction have a huge connection with investments and dependency. You have the urge to shop and shop. You hoard, yet you don't really wear it to often. You see a "SALE" sign, and suddenly you had the needs to buy a this and that. You felt that short rush of "happiness" having an item on discount. But do you really feel happy? Or you just need to feel happy because you know that you saved something. You felt that if you won't take this "limited" offer, you'd loss something big. When in fact, not buying on the first place will make you save more.

A lot of addictions starts young. Like shopping, we had distracted our productivity and prioritized addiction through games, television, pornography, gossips, gambling, selfies, social media and so on. Sounds harmless at first, but too little or too much of everything is obviously not good.

There are groups of each addiction and these simple bad habits in a community. The most overlooked  addiction is the social media. Yes it's powerful in some way, especially connecting distant relationships, relatives or friends. Finding people and exposing frauds. A very powerful material indeed. Of course, with great power comes great irresponsibility - as Deadpool might suggest. Social media especially Facebook can be a home of every addiction I mentioned in this post. Shopping? Yes. Media, countless hours of watching stupidity. Check. Pornography? Lot's of ass twerking, caught in the act or just pages posting softcore. Good. Games or Gambling? 2008-2009 was one of those first years. Selfies and other forms of Narcissism? You will drown! Drugs? Please.

A great tool will always be used in an opposite direction. That's how sick and resourceful a human mind is. That's why I decided to quit Facebook a week ago. I'm getting withdrawals like a normal addict going in rehabilitation centres. I swear I had dreams a few times that I was opening my notifications. I haven't deactivated it yet, because of the photos and the people I need to talk to that depends on fb messenger. I made a public announcement that they can contact me directly to my email. It's really hard to quit. Especially for someone who have a good amount of attention through comments and likes. I just got tired feeling great every time someone liked my post. It feels so wrong, as if my life and esteem depends on it.

The easiest way to conquer withdrawals is having an attention to something else. In my case, reading and watching additional knowledge I know I can use someday, playing with creativity, analysing ordinary things and most importantly planning something to write, or just writing anything. Withdrawals happen when you force stop something you are used to without having another outlet. Not having another outlet means you don't really want to stop, because these withdrawals will be your excuse to go back to a bad habit you used to. Being addicted to anything is really depressing, but I know when there's a will, there's a way. When there's no will, excuses are everywhere.

Now, only one guy friend emails me every now and then. We talked in simple topics and it felt like the old times, pen and paper; or just like the first decade of the internet when emails are mainly used. We forward chain messages or attach a post card and shit like that. It's really funny. Having conversations through email made it more special, made it more unique again.

People take for granted the convenience of everything. Cutting off convenience sparks creativity, social skills and resourcefulness. Giving at least a small amount of effort to those who wants to reach you makes it more important. I'm a bit disappointed that only one person emailed me, and he's a friend through the social media. The ones who I befriended in real life, didn't tried contacting me. Disappointingly satisfying. At least for once in a while, you'd really miss a friend and you get to know more someone else in a way.

Well, hope this journey will do well with me and also for the people trying to quit their 'seemingly normal' bad habit. There's a first for everything, and endings leads to new beginnings. Stay productive, use your time wisely and find real happiness!

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My Inspiration as a Common Man

Looking back at my old posts, I can see myself with not much of progress at all. Maybe a bit facial hair was added but still the same. Probably throwing back every month doesn’t really make me miss my old self, but there are really good memories when we recall our past and younger lives. Wow, somehow it felt like I don’t deserve to think like that. After all I’m just 21, there are very little ‘looking back at the things I’ve done’ kind of recollection compared to veterans. Meh.

Well honestly, I’m looking back to my old blog posts recently. It doesn’t make sense. It’s like somebody forced a thought to be written that will be connected with the gifs he saw on photobucket for added animation on the literature. Well that’s what most of my 2009-2011 blogs was like. 2012 was hiatus for shitty reasons. Then 2013 came. I went to United States, so I tried to pretend that I can speak ‘American’ for a while. I got better in expressing myself through English language but I cannot really speak very fast unless I’m comfortable on who I’m speaking with. Ever since, I wrote down ideas; clump all of the ones I wanted to write, and voila! – A slightly developed me, talking to myself (with the intention of other people hearing/reading it) through blogging. Sometimes I force people to make me feel less useless, but sometimes I’d prefer someone that would criticize or proof read it (srsly, no h8 pls).

As I said on my past blogs, blogs was one of my outlets or like a diary in other terms. Being an only child has pros and cons – unfortunately, having a dull and lonely life makes me want to speak out more to express myself. I don’t mind people telling me or talking behind my back saying “this idiot thinks he knows everything” – Nope, that’s why I ask a lot of things. “He talks too much for a guy” – whoa. Sexist. Ever heard of standup comedy? And tons of side comments that doesn’t qualify as a constructive criticism. See mom, that’s a big word(s). “Constructive Criticism”. I feel smarter than yesterday already.

Currently, I seek to find new ways to improve my writing. I wanted to study multimedia arts for multiple reasons also. To learn more about writing and to study my other hobbies – directing and editing videos. I find my poor passion performance or being a mediocre at everything I try, very frustrating. Luckily, I have few people that I can share my thoughts; Different people, different views and different hobbies.

Thanks to some of the books and authors I follow, I realized that I’m not alone in the frustrations of finding passion. Being distracted and demotivated sometimes is good for us. Having multiple interests are also a benefit, especially when bored. I remember Austin Kleon mentioned, author of the best-selling book “Steal like an Artist”, that the best ideas comes up when we’re doing something that doesn’t need effort. When he needs an idea, he just wash dishes, do laundry or some other chores. It was also very productive. I never realized that before, but I did remember that tunes or beat comes up to my mind when I’m doing an effortless job. Most of the times, my realization and my usual 2am thoughts pops up while I’m on work. That’s why I’m always writing down my ideas at my phone, or in a sticky note.

Most of the topics I posted since 2014 was made up usually when I’m going to work using metro. It’s a 30 minute ride. One time, I had an hour long flight between the cities in the Philippines (Manila to Legazpi). Since I can’t sleep for that short period of waiting, I took my phone and tickled my boredom. I made an entire heroic universe. The story was inspired from the characters in a cartoon. It was about old and retired heroes. I’m still working on it though. I don’t have an ending yet.

We might not be the best yet on what we’re doing, but I guess we should never give up on finding that passion. I can’t really advice anything great right now, especially that I don’t have the title yet to promote ideas and motivations – but hey it’s a start. One day, I see myself as a motivator. I may have not the most depressing story, or the poorest background or even a high societal position that can be used as a credit for advising and motivating, I know I can and I will. Because my background is like most of us. It’s normal, it’s usual and it’s very common. I’m a common person, with a common life, with a common mind and a common history. You and I have a lot of common things to share about. Let’s both start upgrading our ‘commoners’ status little by little. Pursue passion, set a goal, work on it. 

One of Robin Sharma's book (The Leader Who Had no Title) on the title itself says that you don't need position nor title to become great on what you are doing, or give great service and advice. 

We might be mediocre, untalented, boring or very normal, but don't let that stop us. Let's continue poking are very own curiosity rover, have some time in a day that we'll just think about lots of things, talk to people that has a different interest than yours, read or just look through pictures. We can find lot's of things outside, but we'll find tons in our minds. We'll keep dream the results, plan the process, and wake up to start early as we can. Together we'll dream as a common person and soon will wake up better than ourselves from yesterday. 

Like Shia Labeouf said - “Some people dream success, while you’re gonna wake up and work hard on it.”

[CLAPPING INTENSIFIES]

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The 2nd gen OFW in the Family.

I grew up at the 90's in an average urban area of the streets in Metro Manila. I grew up the time where television shows were composed of Mexican Series and Japanese children's shows. I grew up where the children are mostly making the toys they want to play with, rather than having a lavish advanced screen breaking social practice at a young age. That time, like most kids are, we're sleeping at mid-day and playing late in the afternoon. We're making kites, playing with marbles and having a children's fight club... Hell, I even had several nose bleeds, few bruises and scratches just because of fist fights. And the next day, we're all friends again.

I remember, I grew up as quite-shy boy - Well whaddya know? I know already how to fake myself when I was young. In reality, my parents know I'm a pain in the ass. I always get lost on the shopping mall. I always try to sneak out during 'siesta' times. They've even locked me in the house, so I won't leave. The tables are turned and now most of us would rather stay locked at our rooms, declare a random nap time and our parents are the ones asking you to leave or go somewhere. 

Too much nostalgia during the children of the 90's, but then again generation changes. Now is the time of Millennials. Still, it's better to play outside for social practices and healthy reasons. Too much screen time can damage the eyes of an developing grade-schoolers. Then again, who am I to say such things? I was always having late night action adventures with my game boy advance back then. 

I didn't even had one of these! ;(

Other than game boy, I had these tubs of legos (and other similar building/puzzle toys) in my toddler to preschool years before the choking hazard rule was made.

My dad always buy me these kinds of toys. Of course these tactics works for me. Why? To keep me busy while he's gone. My dad was working abroad, even before I sprouted and poofed in this world. Once a year, he's coming to our home country in order to spend a full month with us. I never knew him that much before. All I know is he is a very responsible man and a father, religious and straightforward as well. We really never had the same mentality, only physical features probably. Minus the mustache. He has this thick mustache I wish I could have. I think it's suits my comical personality.

Being a son to an Overseas Filipino Worker - commonly known as the OFW, it was been always confusing how people see OFW's having a high status in our society/community. They have this stereotypical treatment that if one of your parents are working abroad, you must have been always lucky, should be always happy, or should always be giving.

Every year, we are programmed to ask for "pasalubong" to every person we know working abroad. We had set this expectations that whenever someone leaves, he/she should at least give something when that someone comes back. It's not a bad thing. It's our unique culture of being caring. It's not really about someone demands us to give something when we come back, but it's us thinking "I should have at least bring something" kind of mentality.

We Filipinos are known to be hospitable so probably that's one reason. We are also known to be over-dependent. We tend to stay with our parents, even if we have kids already. The parents are also too considerate about this as well.

Being a teenager, I realize that my dad was  a very nice and giving person. Most of the time, the people he cared and he gave a part of his earnings, never really appreciated him enough. Probably never thanked him properly. As if it was something he was obliged to do. Also, it felt to me that these people have no clue how difficult it is to be separated in your family to be a slave of a foreign person. The moment I understand that people will only care on what you can do for them, that was the moment I told to myself, I never want to work abroad.

Working abroad to me felt like announcing you won the lottery. You haven't took the prize, yet people are already in line for their share. I never liked the way people will ask the things they want first, rather than asking your condition. Funny how at a young age, we experience these kinds of people. Remember whenever a teacher announces "Class, pop quiz. Get 1/4th sheet of paper." Because you're a nerd and a boy scout, you took that paper and had a lot of extras. Suddenly all of the people beside you want some. The problem is, it's a daily habit YOU yourself keeps on repeating.

FOR CHRIST SAKE BUY YOUR OWN PAPERS!

Why? Because if you don't give, your a selfish prick. Why would you bring extras, if you don't have the intention to give it away. The society is abusive, I realize... and we the hard workers let them.

All these are just thoughts before, then when I ate my words and started working abroad - I was right all along. But I'm glad my friends never let me felt like I'm required to bring them something, just us complete was enough. Anyway, being one of the 2nd generation OFW, I asked the people I've worked with. It was kind of depressing to know that with a young age, mid-20's, they had a lot of responsibilities. They agree of the fact on how people will expect you to give. I felt very selfish and useless, but I will still hold on my doctrines. I will still keep on believing that we deserve to help ourselves first before helping others.

The logic is simple. If we're stuck in a pipe, how would you pull people up, if you are blocking. You need to pull yourself up first, then take the one below you. It's like the opposite crab mentality effect. Pull yourself up first, then take others along with you.

Ugh.

At the end of the day, we have our own ways on how we're blinded by the love, sympathy and care to others who appreciate us well, and to those who only care about what you give to them. I just hope that most people learn first that life is not as easy as ordering fast food.

I don't really care actually on what would people think of me. It's not about me, it's really about the people like my dad, like the nurses, like the ones who spent long time working rather than just drinking and partying, etc. The people who sacrificed their own pleasures to provide someone else's dream. I just wish that people who worked really hard for being too generous will get the credit they deserve. They deserve more appreciation, care, and at least the motivation to let them carry on and prosper.

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Comparing Insecurities

Way back in 2010 or 2011, I have 2 college buddies; one we call “The Boss” and the other we call “The 2^nd Boss”. They called me “The Member”. Seems fair. Anyways, The Boss was very influential to me. He was one of the smartest people I know, but he choose the thug life or thug life chose him, rather. I can’t forget his words of wisdom back that year. His idea about the law of attraction was compared to the young children playing with their own toys. Wait that was kind of wrong. Alright, let me clarify his idea to the 2^nd paragraph below (with quotation marks and italicized font to make it look legit).


"The idea of us men wanting the same person is like how young boys show off their toys. Let say you have a very old homemade toy, and I just had a new one. I show it off to you, but it seems like you enjoy more the toy that at first, was dull and boring for me. Then I will get envious about your toy, thinking yours is better. Thus, this attraction would feel like ‘love at 2^nd sight’  It's like I like yours more cause you look happier."

The Boss, Circa 2011

Of course, children of the 90’s (and before) would relate about how we show off our inanimate toys that either choke us or would feel like land mines to step on. 

The most accurate feeling of stepping on a lego

Anyways, what he said was very simple and if we’d compare it to the present time, it'll be like phone and smartphone evolution. Before, we're happy if we can play snake and space impact. Now, if there's no 130 filters in a selfie settings, we ain't buying. Some of us are contented to what we already have, but most of us? WE WANT SOMETHING WE DON’T HAVE. Which, really... Why?

Envy and jealousy are the main reason that we will always feel insecure at some point. I know what you think… “It’s the ladies who never felt their body and natural face were enough” This is not a gender thing, my dear Watson. 

About a week ago, a study in United Kingdom surveyed men and women about how the perfect man would look like. Of course men’s answers would look like your typical Hollywood actor. Action star faced with a stripper body. 

What surprised the readers was 72% of the women surveyed, preferred the happy-go-lucky looking person, average arms, no abs and an average looking face. It kind a look like Seth Rogen, honestly.

Just add glasses 

The study suggests that as many as 62 percent of men in the UK are still persuaded that ladies would rather go for a man with "the gladiator look," and that many men suffer "pangs of anxiety when they fail to match up this image."  - women's ideal man

So yes, men are having the same insecurities like women. For me, the simplest solution in having doubts about ourselves is just stop comparing. Seriously.

First of all, models and actors are paid to look like what they are.

If we are paying to look like them, we lose already. Unless of course, if you want to change because you really want to, not because you are persuaded by the media, be happy and go get em’.

Second, we will always find something we don’t have that others have.

Wow I got a nice pair of shoes, but whoa he got a nice watch. Why can’t we all have nice things in the world? This way of thinking should get terminated. It’s a waste of brain space.

Third, appreciate what you have.

Greed is an addiction. It’s difficult to restrain in the latter years. Start early. Instead of finding things that makes you happy, learn to maximize what you already have. It doesn’t mean to suppress yourself from everything else, but to bring the most out of something before moving on to another.

Fourth, don’t let other people compare you from others also.

F**k them. Dammit. Stupid autocorrect. I meant fork them.

In the end, it’s your life. Either you drive, or someone else will. 

*link source of the survey: http://aplus.com/a/women-in-the-uk-describe-the-looks-of-a-perfect-man-and-it-s-not-what-most-men-would-think-?utm_campaign=i102&utm_source=a11303

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Not perfect but meant to be.

                Ever heard of the old recurring story that goes like this:  “The spaces in your finger are meant to be filled with mine.” – Well actually… If there’s no spaces, there’s no fingers. Maybe. Or we’d all look like the Powerpuff Girls minus the 3 layered pupils:

                Kidding aside, I always wondered why there are spaces on pizza box. I love pizza and probably all of us do – And seeing that precious space wasted, makes me buy more of a square shaped pizza. No space wasted. Then I realized, if the weight of the square-shaped pizza is the same as the weight of a circle-shaped one, would that make any difference? Or am I one of those people living in an illusion that what we see should always be perfect.

                Marketing agents, advertisers, brokers, sales consultants and many other forms of selling experts have been fooling us on promising things we thought we need, but we really don’t. Making us think “this” is better than “that”. Making us believe on the quality we have lived before is going to be better if we take their offers. Some might be telling the truth, but mostly… I’m not sure of it.

                Nothing is perfect, I’m sure of that. So when something is not perfect, it’s perfectly meant to be that way. What a paradox. So confusing! If you have a score of 100 out 100, that doesn’t mean you know 100% of that subject you had a test. You had to answer all of the possible question on the subject matter. So what’s the point of perfection anyway? I’ll get back to that later.

                March 2013, I went to an educational training trip at United States that lasted 3-4 months. Looking back that time, what seems to be a short ride became one of the most important drives in my life. I met this girl. I didn’t even noticed her on our long way there. We were both committed that time, so maybe that’s one reason. Then few weeks later, I got a timeout on my relationship that time. Permanently. So I decided, to continue living. Our fridge is always full, the beer is most of the time free, we live near the beach and there’s an open Jacuzzi just in front of the hotel we’re staying. Moving on was never hard for me. I’ve been there a lot of times.

                Our group was mostly women with a ratio of 1 is to 5. We were 6 guys out of 30ish girls. We’re out numbered and that’s only on our cultural group. We we’re working with Latinas, Americans, and in the later month, with Russians. It’s a cultural exchange program so we are really having the most diverse experience on our simple lives that time.

                I was a baby sitter to 5 girls. We’ll not really, but I was like their big brother. Sort of. Since roommates have to be the same sex - 4 became partners, and 1 was left out. The left out one was the roommate of “the girl I met”, as I mentioned before.

                Actually, I’m constantly being involved or issued a few times in different ladies - So most of them already had a bad impression about me. I admit, I was very flirty, then. The girl I met had this impression about me. Probably she disliked me the moment she saw me. She told me I was arrogant, aggressive, bossy, flirty, and narcissist in some way. I never knew that before, but she admitted it later in our lives. It was so hilarious, it’s probably true.

                In some way, I liked her. She’s cute, but I find the need of understanding her obscureness. She’s quiet and mysterious. She doesn’t share personal details (unlike me who uses the “talk now, regret later” approach). Although of course she’s not really the boring type. It’s just that she makes sure she’s comfortable enough in order for her to trust you. All I know is that she’s very loyal and very kind. She’s willing to sacrifice her passion just to make her partner happy or content... Which I think she made a wrong choice that time. She’s a hard drinker. She was everything I’m not and everything I never thought I’d like.

                I’m a guy who loves debates, stories, movie reviews, staying at home, reading articles, listening to rock down to heavy metal up punks and post-rocks. While at that time I thought she’s into bars and drinks, adventures, selfies, Miley Cyrus, and stays away as much as possible into having a long conversation with anyone. I think I’m too deep (narcissist). The more I think about how we managed to get along, the more I understand. It’s not me who adjusted. It’s her who let her doors opened for me.

                When they broke up, she could just ignored me. I was not her type. I know that and of course she had a bad impression on me, and I had a bad introduction of myself as well. She ignored all the facts that I’m probably “just another guy”. I had been in a lot of relationships. She just had one serious. The fact that she’s 2 years ahead of me, makes me feel worst. Yet she made a bridge.

                Most of misunderstandings starts when you are talking, and the other one is already thinking on what would be his/her response. And not even understanding first. That’s where arguments bloom. We had misunderstandings but it never goes a long way. She was always the listener and I’m always the speaker. Like how she made that bridge, she understood more than I could to myself.

                To make it this story less long, we’ve been together after we went back home to our country. We just tried it out. We started on United States. She ignored the warnings of my other friends that knew me well - that I might just have hurt her and I did. The way she understands my bipolarity, the way she handles my misfits, my arrogance and my mistakes that other girls might consider it as a “no 2^nd chance” case.

                Although our relationship is still raw in the love cooking process, it’s boiling anyways. Understanding, communication, humility, kindness, trust, support and love – all these are the sources enough for fuelling the fire. I had let her down a few times, but she still believes in me. That I make mistakes. We’re not perfect.

                Perfection is a process. It’s more of a journey than a destination. The process of aiming an impossible goal is a never ending process for improvements. That’s what relationship is all about. It’s about not being the best, but being better than yesterday. That’s why I never agree on courtship because my girl used to say “Please don’t do things to me that I’ll get used to, if you’re not going to keep it constant.” – She reminds me what “perfection” should be like while I remind her of the movies she keeps on forgetting.

Blue's Clues lovely couple in real life. 

We’re not a perfect couple, but I know we’re meant to be. We’re working on it. Happy Valentines!

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Trials and Karma, The hidden relationship

Ever heard of the story about looking through a glass filled halfway with water? Then the spectator will be asked about his/her perception about the given visuals of this glass, whether it’s a photo or an actual glass of water. The outcome expected was originally just two answers: Half-full or half-empty. Then professors, speakers or motivators will explain about how your perception about this experiment affects your everyday view about everything. If you see it as half-full, you’re a positive thinker and if you see it half-empty, you’re a negative Nancy. I have no idea how this story went viral. Quotes encrypted on the image of the glass of water was posted everywhere. The problem was you never had the chance to think about your perception on this short project. Before you even think about how you will react on the half-full/half-empty glass of water appeared on your newsfeed, you’ve already read that the only choice was this two things which is: Half-full/optimist and Half-empty/pessimist.

Plot Twist!

                Better than the original. Why are we limited to black and white when there’s another color lying around somewhere? Alright I know you’re thinking, “What’s your point?” – This is not really about the glass; or about pessimists/optimists thing; or about dragons… It’s how simple things affect people’s mind. How people would accept options given to them, as if it’s the only option they can choose from. Remember that math exam that had a multiple choice? Yeah, I hate that too. Especially that letter “d. none of the above”. – And if your teacher hated you enough, it will have a follow up instruction of “if none of the choices have the answer, write the answer in the blank” Yup! Good times, good times. But in reality, that style of answering questions in our daily lives is the proper ones. We should not be limited on the choices given to us by trying to take what the large consensus had been doing, or the norms. It’s like reinforcing the “think outside the box” because cultures are these boxes, and we’re living inside of it – Not questioning the flaws of it, but just given to see it negatively or positively. Like “you’re either with us or against us” cliché.

                Since we’re starting to visualize the past, let’s go further on our nostalgia express. Remember the high school days when there was that one girl you hated because of her slutty style flaunting the guys. Then you’d say in the back of your head “wow, what a bitch” when in reality you should all just be studying, but you watched too much teen movies so you lived your high school years like it. Better yet, that bully or the guy who insistently copies your home works and test papers with no consent whatsoever. You hate that guy. Then few years later, you heard that he didn’t pass college or stop doing school. You say to yourself – “KARMA’s sizzling up this dude’s fate plate” with your eyes glaring in a distant and a half grin on your face. That was really awful of you, but you think he probably deserved it right? And that’s the overused definition of Karma – “what comes around, goes around… bitch.”

                Then let’s make the same story, but on the different perspective. Let say your best friend did well throughout his existence. He have helped people, and made them feel better about themselves. He was the motivator of the class, and the peacemaker of your group. He is, in general, the good guy in this story. Suddenly, you lost connection with him after high school. Few years later you heard a story that he didn’t made it through college. You, now on a different perspective and in subjective opinion, thought – “I think whatever happened to him was just a TRIAL in his life, or a TEST. I’m sure he’ll be better and he can conquer it, I hope.” See the difference on how people see things differently, subjectively. But we don’t question it, do we? Did us even thought about the connection or the similarity on how we see “Karmas” and “Trials”, maybe some few individuals had already figured that out.

                We’ve seen and heard what people are already been saying to us. Motivating/comforting us on the same things over on over again. So we think bad things happen to bad people is called “Karma” and bad things happen to good people are called “Tests” or “Trials”. We never tend to question why? My thoughts are this, we never accept complicated and valid data. We only accept what is simple to understand, or what we want to hear. People hate choices, subconsciously. Free choice and big decisions drains the brain energy, that’s why passive people feel at ease than the dominant or aggressive ones. We hate it when people tell us what to do, but in reality we’ve been doing things society tells us to believe.

It’s easier to be instructed than to be the instructor. Just think about this – In school, what’s the difference between listening to your professor and doing a report in front of the class. Which is easier for you? 

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Praises and Blames

Blaming is a source of comfort

“Time is fraud. Time took my brother. I don’t believe in time” – words of our tailor. The tailor in our store is a bit mentally challenged, and the funny thing is that he is fully aware of that. He keeps on asking all of us these repetitive and annoying questions or requests; He asks also in a very bad timing, most of time. He is a bit childish and like I’ve said before, he already knew that. He asked me a dozen times, “How can I act like a big person? Like a real adult?” – Take note: these are the words of a 40 year old man with 5 children from 2 wives. I think I’m the only one who had the patience to answer most of his questions, since we’re most of the time inside the stockroom, together. I keep my answers honest and detailed, but I don’t think he listens to the details.  He’s more of a talker than a listener. He likes attention too much; that’s why whenever he makes this depressed look, I don’t show I’m affected. Some would ask him “hey, what’s wrong?” – He will just answer “Some tension, some problem.” but he will never tell you the real reason.

That’s why I just talk to him like normal. Besides, these people asking are just curious. It’s like the “Hi, how are you?” routine. Everybody asks how are you and you should answer your good. Because if you answered you’re not good, well you just engaged an awkward conversation that should finish within 2 minutes: explaining the details of why you’re not good and in exchange, they will try to comfort you… But they can’t. Everyone’s too busy, everyone has their own problems. What makes my problem special, right? I’m not going to generalize and some are really willing to listen, mostly because they want you to listen to their own also. That’s how conversation works.

Back to “Time”. Although a child mind and behavior, I can correlate to what our tailor feels. I mean not that I don’t believe in time necessarily, but time will be always there, whatever our beliefs are. I, too, admit blaming time when I’m late, or not having enough time to enjoy a day off, or time slowing down during our working hours – it’s annoying. Still I tried to explain my opinion about blaming time, but no matter how many times I tell to our tailor that everybody dies, and no one is exempted from death – it seems like it’s just too harsh to accept and I’m too hypocrite to accept it too. How can you make someone believe Santa exists, if you don’t believe it too right? It’s like being forced to defend a criminal that had all the evidence to prove him guilty; or like selling our item, which in all honesty, not my type. That’s why I find it hard when it comes to selling our product, but I find it easy selling expensive food when I was back at the food and beverage business… Because I love food. Who doesn’t right?

Why do we have to find someone or something to blame on something natural; on something finite. Why can’t we accept the fact that things happen not because for a reason, but because of our decisions. For example: You got mugged on an alleyway, somehow you had a decision to go through a dark alleyway or walk around the street. How about this one time you decided to take a cab, instead of taking the train, because you are sick of the boners all over you on a rush hour. Then, you got caught in traffic. Would you blame the traffic, the government, the driver, your pet hamster, the fluoride in the water or your boss that gave you an overtime work which is not paid? I admit the last one pretty much sucks, but still we had a decision. Our lives are a series of decisions, but it seems that we keep on overlooking that fact. I’m tired of hearing “I had no choice.” – Honestly, it makes me cringe. But hearing “I’m sorry, it was a bad decision” was somehow a bit comforting, if someone did something unpleasant to you.

What I realized is that people are comforted by two things: Praises and Blaming. When it comes to positive things, we love taking the credit. Make it the other way around, we tend to be find escape goats. Not that people do it directly but somehow they like to release the problem on an outlet while inhaling all the positive vibes like praises. I mean why would Mark Zuckerberg, inventor of Facebook, invented the “Like” button. It’s because people wants positive attention. It boosts the ego. Why do I post a picture of myself doing something cool with the coolest hobby? It’s because it does makes us feel a bit special. It comforts us to know that somewhere beyond these webs and the fiber optics of these advanced data sharing within a blink of a second, through their own cyberspace apparatus, someone cares. Care that you exist, and you do things interesting and you are beyond the ordinary (liking your facebook posts, in simple terms). Where in fact all of us are different, all of us our special in our own way but it kinda… defeats the purpose. I remember one quote of Syndrome, the antagonist of the movie “The Incredibles”, once said – “I can sell my inventions and everyone can have powers. And when everyone’s super… No one is”.

Then, there’s this story about garbage trucks. I remember it like this:

                “One morning a boy was with his dad in the car, driving around. His dad was driving very carefully and one car behind them keeps on pressing the horn and shouting bad words. Expecting to see his dad confront the man behind them, he just smiled. He asked his dad, “Why didn’t you talk back, you shouldn’t let anyone talk to you like that.” His dad smiled again while his son looking confused. He told his son – Son, you see that dump truck over there? This is what these kinds of people are going through every day. They are like these garbage truck. People get the garbage from stress on work, on finances, on family or from other people’s dump truck also. And when they’re full, they need to let it all out and dump it. It’s fine if they dump it on me, what matters most is that I don’t have the needs on collecting their garbage. That’s why I just keep on smiling.”

I don’t know if I constructed it the same way I read it but I hope it’s comprehensive enough. The point is when people find comfort from praises like the ‘likes’ on facebook, the views on their youtube channel, the re-tweets of their twitter or the followers they have on Instagram is the same way people find comfort when they say to you “you idiot, you made a mistake!”. It’s not entirely about blaming but also the comfort of feeling in-charge or dominant. What did you felt, when you’re elected on the school council on a position you don’t even have an idea to begin with; then you won that election. Some will say, “meh, I don’t like the responsibility.. yada yada blabla” but in your subconscious, you’re a bit amused on how you won something that you can take over, having somewhat a higher degree of power more than the commoners. That’s why politics is something to die for but I don’t want to get on that now.

It’s really funny how a person’s mind work. Like our tailor, we might be aware on what we do, but we don’t want to do something about it. – Well as long as we find comfort on what we’re doing, will keep on doing it. Attention, appraisal and authority. It’s like steps for promotion. Step 1: Get close to an authority and get the attention; Step 2: Show how great you are and grab that appraisal; Step 3: Blame someone’s mistake and scrutinize the stupidity. Act like an authority. And there you have it, you mastered the douchebag boss hack. Funny that being felt like an outcast feels bad, but for some it was never enough to be “just a part” of society. 

I TOLD YOU I'M SPECIAL

9^th of January, 2015.

4:28 am

*I forgot to post this one when I was having an overnight shift few weeks ago.

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Everyday Demon

Waking up to the sound of the digital alarm clock: the most useful application of smartphones nowadays. The body recognizes the sound as you fall off the bed still half-conscious. You've been getting up to it for hundreds of days, and you'll probably get up to it for a thousand more. You sit up in bed and stare at the pillow for 5 minutes, until another alarm kicks in. You're 60% awake. You go and have a shower and get dressed. Have breakfast – maybe later. You don't even have time to think for a plan, you just get cracking with what you used to do: wake up and go to work.

A day of rest is not even enough. You tried motivating others but you can't even motivate yourself – you hypocrite. You said you survived depression, yet you just had to compromise with contentment in order to keep your sanity. Then you go home early to catch up on your social life… You don't have a social life; your laptop is your social life.

You tried your best to cover up all the mistakes that you’ve made, all the hardships you went through, and all the abuse people in your daily life inflict on each other, by taking stupid photos and uploading it online. Stupid photos of things that you think make you happy. Memories that once made you smile, or even a picture of a hobby, or the things you did that make you feel good inside. The more people react positively on what you post, the more they feed your ego. Distracting and derailing your pathetic life into an adventurous wonderland: another thing that prevents you from going insane.

You made a mistake and suddenly you remembered all the mistakes you’ve made that you thought you didn’t make. But wait, someone will remind you of them as they are. You try to save what's left. Compromise your own happiness because what makes you happy is making other people happy – like you used to tell yourself when you were young. Then you grow up and you realize it's just another subjective optimization.

Deep inside you are a selfish and egoistic person. Acting smart was your cover up; cherry-picking words is your talent.

You go home after a tiring day with a tired mind. You compare yourself with miserable people in the world and you say "hey, it could be worse." Then again, you subjectively optimize after feeling worse because going home was just a reminder of how many problems you have running through your mind. Your body needs rest, but working was the only way for your problems to have a day off – so you think.

We can't have everything in the world can we? But should we?
Fuck this world, you couldn't care less. But unfortunately you're one of the 97% of the world's population that doesn't have enough money to care less. You hope for the drama and the bullshit in your life to stay away but they are there to stay. Some of the drama helped you become who you are but most of them were truly unnecessary. You blame it on social media, on advertisements and those stupid pop movies that promised you hope. Still you use, you watch, and you listen to the comforting lies.

Nobody can help you. You don't want help. You love so many characters from the literature you read, movies you watched, or the music you listened to. They’ve messed up your thoughts, and so you blame them.

It's you. It's your fault. Nobody will give you a cold fuck anyways. You post this article without even proofreading your own thoughts. You even think it's a work of art or eloquence and that it gives people epiphanies you know some would relate. But nobody will care. For everyone is just extremely curious. Anyways, what do you care? Your mediocrity at everything is what matters most to you – at the end of the day, I'm just your demon reminding you of that, and I will never leave you.

(c) Paulbrai Photography

*reviewed and edited by my pal: Rave

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