Departures

Death. A normal phase for everything and to everyone. A part of a process called life. The concept of Phoenix rising from the ashes is somehow more than just a fantasy but inspired by well, reality. Whenever a living thing dies, new life emerges.

With enough moisture, any decaying organic matter, a new life arises - mold. I never have seen such a disgusting thing become so elegant in this time lapse video.

When we die, we rot and we give life to other beings. Like how plants or animals become our food to live, we die and become theirs. It's a matter of giving and taking, a balanced harmony amongst all of us.

During the elementary years, we are taught about different hierarchies and us humans being the top of the Food Chain. What makes us advance is probably that we control other species. Other species have clans, have social orders and have their own political agendas we might not be able to fully understand. For we know they might have been secretly "studying" us and waiting for us to be vulnerable enough. After all, we humans are the only creatures in the world who destroy the things we build in the name of God, Gold and fucking Glory which I don't want to understand all I know is, this three G's can be summarized into one and that's probably "Greed".

Death, Life, and God. Three things human nature go nuts for since the beginning of time. We give simple meanings to ordinary things that have complex explanations to some. From common questions like "why is the sky blue" to "where do people go after death?" gives everyone at some point, a scratch in the head gesture.

We go on and define the things we are told to as their definitions, as their true explanations. Growing up and looking around, observing the nature of humans related to me, I realize that there are more than the answer we are told to.
To be less redundant, imagine a situation that our parents told us as the only way to go from our school to our home. Actually, they never said it was the "only" way, but they never gave us other options as well. As we get used to this method we either conform and continue believing in it unless we'll have a situation that finding a detour is a necessity. We then find other forms of transportation, routes or whatever. From this point, we can either return from doing the old one when it's available again or carry on and continue the new discovery. We actually have another option. Find more ways and choose the most suitable.

Most will stay conformed and follow the set of beliefs and standards given to us when we're young. Jumping out of the norm can cause bad reputations such as being a rebel, arrogant or in some cases a nut, crazy cuckoo.

Government and religion control these situations and some people already knew that. They instill fear to people causing us to be much more organized. Well, I kinda agree that people believing in different things can probably cause chaos. Since the beginning, tribes has set standards the clan has to follow. The only problem is some rulers chose the standards beneficial only for themselves and not for it's people.

The government already have their way and of course, religion is the "schemiest" one. What better way to control people is to instill fear, right.

Death, Life, and God.

We live with different definitions on how God would not be disappointed with us, in order not to die in his eternal tormented box called Hell and this is just one definition of a god. There are thousands of similar gods with their reward and punishment system.

What do really happens after we die?
Lot's of things happen after we die. We're just not there to see it. We can't accept the fact that the world would go on without us so we create this biased illusions and definitions to comfort us that when we die, we can still see it. What makes the humans living on earth so special in this large universe that we are the only ones to be capable of being a ghost, resurrected or have the opportunity to have a direct contact with a "creator"

Death is painful when we're the ones left alive. That's all I know so we better take the best out of life, together with the people important to us. 

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Predestiny (shorts)

Little Johnny was raised in an orphanage run by priests and nuns. As a boy, he was always curious. There was a time when he's about four years of age. He was escorted by a priest, walking cheerfully towards the clinic.

Johnny said "vitamins?".

The priest smiled and nodded, "for what, my boy?".

Johnny scratched his eyebrows "to make me a strong boy!".

"Yes, little Johnny. Someday you are not going to be little anymore and you will need all the strength you can have while you're young. Physically and spiritually of course. Go in first, son"


Little Johnny went straight to the seat he climbed on to. As Johnny looked up to the young nurse, he smiled and showed something his well-known of in the orphanage, gapped front teeth. As usual, nurse Emily was amused.

The nurse took her flavored popsicle stick. "Say Ahh, little Johnny. Are you alright now?"

Little Johnny spoke while his mouth was being inspected, blurbing the words "Yes, I am. I just sneezed a little bit Ms Emily."


The nurse smiled and gave little Johnny the weekly booster and vitamins for extra protection against the flu. She really appreciates little Johnny's politeness and the Priest couldn't agree less. Johnny smiled and said to nurse Emily "Can I?" while holding already the stethoscope. He tried it on and start talking to the diaphragm.

While little Johnny was distracted, nurse Emily was amused. She looked back at the Priest and said, "Father, I'm sure he's going to be a good doctor!".

Father Enriquez smiled, while rubbing the boy's hair saying "God have good plans for this boy and for all of us, Emily.".

"I'm sure He does!" said gracefully by Emily.

....

Looking back at the past, listening to the conversation of Father Enriquez and nurse Emily. I asked myself, this plan is cruel.

Wondering to pull this trigger, as the burst of the bullet through this brain. This will be my last thought.

Like any other orphans, they said God has perfect plans, especially for us. Little Maddie, my best friend was sheltered by a family of pedophiles. She died when she was 10 - raped almost every day for more than a year. Her body could not take any more lacerations and abuse from this cruel predestination. Justice afterlife? The dad, the brother and the supporting mother were never found. The new case arrives, old cases are set aside. Long forgotten. Why can't little fucking Maddie have the justice before and after life? What lessons will be fucking remembered, and understood when the learner is dead. There's no fucking moral in the story when it comes to tragedy.

I guess from the moment they "bought" us and promise us the best life we could ever have, only a few "I know" lived up to the expectations.

Now I'm ending mine. I'm ending this path.This is my end part of His plans for me. Right before from the start, does He knew that my path leads to what believers called "Hell" or in other terms - eternal torment because you had the free fucking will, God, already decided a long time ago? Is heaven composed of selfish and pompous people happy that they are there and others they know are in hell? Or does Heaven is a place to justify conformity by literally removing the conscience of people. "Because hey, we're in heaven, we felt good, we did our part in saving your souls! Your suffering does not affect me even if we spend almost a lifetime together. I told you to follow 'His Plans' not your plans. Forget about the times I said 'you always have the choice' because come on! Religion is all about intimidation and some of the Pascal's Wager."

I'm pathetic, smiling with a gun shoved into my throat. Having a Fight Clubesque kind of a scene.

The main question was, why are we given these beliefs. To have a better sanity when things don't go our way- a simple explanation our mind can easily understand?

We are pawns. Set of choices was given to us, but like a fucking maze with one beginning and one ending. We are given some set of directions or maybe not. We get lost in the way, but no matter what we do - we need to find that one exit.

If I did a mistake?
"God has better plans for you, just wait and see."

So should I blame Him?
"Blaming would only make things worse, let's move on and hope for the better."

If the next mistake caused death, is it part of the plan?
"The enemy which is evil causes these things."

Wait. I thought we shouldn't blame. So He allowed it? Because someone might learn something from there, is that it?
Let me get this straight. When things go wrong = enemy/God, because God allows it for us to learn from it, and this "enemy" does bad things so he gets credit also. When things are running smoothly = God, because that was His plan all along that we can't figure out. Why? Because we can't fucking predict the future.

A moment of silence to my pretentious alter-ego.

This uniform belief leads to controlled chaos because everyone had their own definitions. Everyone has their own sets of normality and morality. If a child learned that fending off black people was fucking right, bombing and killing them is gonna be his view of the right thing. He can be proud that his God made this plan for me, and he complied. He can celebrate. It's a sick world out here. Different leaders trying to take devotees as much as they can to build a society that will support their "normality". I can't live like this.

I'll find you, Little Maddie. If everything is destined, God already chose who will be saved and who will rot. This is the path I chose.

I am tired of Earth, these people. I'm tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives. Who makes the world? Perhaps the world is not made. Perhaps nothing is made. Perhaps it simply is, has been, will always be there. A clock without a craftsman.They claim their labors are to build a heaven, yet their heaven is populated with horrors. Perhaps the world is not made. Perhaps nothing is made. A clock without a craftsman. It's too late. Always has been, always will be...too late.  - Dr. Manhattan (Watchmen, 2009)

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Soul Searching

Ever had the feeling that you joined an environment full of happy souls. Cheerfully singing to their unity. Held together as one as they proclaim their positive beliefs. You watch them, you try your best to get inspired as they all are. You try to be like one. You try to be like them. You try to enjoy. You try to socialize. You try it all because of the pressure and this pressure is also the one that keeps you separated from them. And you realize... "I've been to a place like this before, but it did not worked out well.." You probably just doesn't belong. But how can you conquer loneliness if you can't belong?

Sometimes, loneliness is not really what its like when your alone by yourself. Sometimes, this so-called "loneliness" is also like when you try to fit in a "square-shaped" community, even though you are a "round-shaped" person.

That precious space should also be covered with Pizza

We always try to seek what's missing in our lives. We try to walk on other's shoes in order to relate to them. But really, do we need to bother? Sure we need improvements. We need change for the betterment. We need enhancement and we need the counsel of those who already conquered. But we don't need to copy their every move. For each destination, takes a different road. We don't need to take the same path of others. We should make our own. Who cares if others go in that direction when we have other plans for ourselves, right?

Sometimes, walking alone in a road traveled less or even confining our self to that very own world we tried to make when we were younger for at least a few moments would help us feel that even the warm breeze in the morning or the last drop of rain you felt before entering your home seems to be a better company than anyone else. It starts when we focus on searching things within us waiting to be found instead of trying to research what's already discovered. In the end, it's always up to us.

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