Praises and Blames

Blaming is a source of comfort

“Time is fraud. Time took my brother. I don’t believe in time” – words of our tailor. The tailor in our store is a bit mentally challenged, and the funny thing is that he is fully aware of that. He keeps on asking all of us these repetitive and annoying questions or requests; He asks also in a very bad timing, most of time. He is a bit childish and like I’ve said before, he already knew that. He asked me a dozen times, “How can I act like a big person? Like a real adult?” – Take note: these are the words of a 40 year old man with 5 children from 2 wives. I think I’m the only one who had the patience to answer most of his questions, since we’re most of the time inside the stockroom, together. I keep my answers honest and detailed, but I don’t think he listens to the details.  He’s more of a talker than a listener. He likes attention too much; that’s why whenever he makes this depressed look, I don’t show I’m affected. Some would ask him “hey, what’s wrong?” – He will just answer “Some tension, some problem.” but he will never tell you the real reason.

That’s why I just talk to him like normal. Besides, these people asking are just curious. It’s like the “Hi, how are you?” routine. Everybody asks how are you and you should answer your good. Because if you answered you’re not good, well you just engaged an awkward conversation that should finish within 2 minutes: explaining the details of why you’re not good and in exchange, they will try to comfort you… But they can’t. Everyone’s too busy, everyone has their own problems. What makes my problem special, right? I’m not going to generalize and some are really willing to listen, mostly because they want you to listen to their own also. That’s how conversation works.

Back to “Time”. Although a child mind and behavior, I can correlate to what our tailor feels. I mean not that I don’t believe in time necessarily, but time will be always there, whatever our beliefs are. I, too, admit blaming time when I’m late, or not having enough time to enjoy a day off, or time slowing down during our working hours – it’s annoying. Still I tried to explain my opinion about blaming time, but no matter how many times I tell to our tailor that everybody dies, and no one is exempted from death – it seems like it’s just too harsh to accept and I’m too hypocrite to accept it too. How can you make someone believe Santa exists, if you don’t believe it too right? It’s like being forced to defend a criminal that had all the evidence to prove him guilty; or like selling our item, which in all honesty, not my type. That’s why I find it hard when it comes to selling our product, but I find it easy selling expensive food when I was back at the food and beverage business… Because I love food. Who doesn’t right?

Why do we have to find someone or something to blame on something natural; on something finite. Why can’t we accept the fact that things happen not because for a reason, but because of our decisions. For example: You got mugged on an alleyway, somehow you had a decision to go through a dark alleyway or walk around the street. How about this one time you decided to take a cab, instead of taking the train, because you are sick of the boners all over you on a rush hour. Then, you got caught in traffic. Would you blame the traffic, the government, the driver, your pet hamster, the fluoride in the water or your boss that gave you an overtime work which is not paid? I admit the last one pretty much sucks, but still we had a decision. Our lives are a series of decisions, but it seems that we keep on overlooking that fact. I’m tired of hearing “I had no choice.” – Honestly, it makes me cringe. But hearing “I’m sorry, it was a bad decision” was somehow a bit comforting, if someone did something unpleasant to you.

What I realized is that people are comforted by two things: Praises and Blaming. When it comes to positive things, we love taking the credit. Make it the other way around, we tend to be find escape goats. Not that people do it directly but somehow they like to release the problem on an outlet while inhaling all the positive vibes like praises. I mean why would Mark Zuckerberg, inventor of Facebook, invented the “Like” button. It’s because people wants positive attention. It boosts the ego. Why do I post a picture of myself doing something cool with the coolest hobby? It’s because it does makes us feel a bit special. It comforts us to know that somewhere beyond these webs and the fiber optics of these advanced data sharing within a blink of a second, through their own cyberspace apparatus, someone cares. Care that you exist, and you do things interesting and you are beyond the ordinary (liking your facebook posts, in simple terms). Where in fact all of us are different, all of us our special in our own way but it kinda… defeats the purpose. I remember one quote of Syndrome, the antagonist of the movie “The Incredibles”, once said – “I can sell my inventions and everyone can have powers. And when everyone’s super… No one is”.

Then, there’s this story about garbage trucks. I remember it like this:

                “One morning a boy was with his dad in the car, driving around. His dad was driving very carefully and one car behind them keeps on pressing the horn and shouting bad words. Expecting to see his dad confront the man behind them, he just smiled. He asked his dad, “Why didn’t you talk back, you shouldn’t let anyone talk to you like that.” His dad smiled again while his son looking confused. He told his son – Son, you see that dump truck over there? This is what these kinds of people are going through every day. They are like these garbage truck. People get the garbage from stress on work, on finances, on family or from other people’s dump truck also. And when they’re full, they need to let it all out and dump it. It’s fine if they dump it on me, what matters most is that I don’t have the needs on collecting their garbage. That’s why I just keep on smiling.”

I don’t know if I constructed it the same way I read it but I hope it’s comprehensive enough. The point is when people find comfort from praises like the ‘likes’ on facebook, the views on their youtube channel, the re-tweets of their twitter or the followers they have on Instagram is the same way people find comfort when they say to you “you idiot, you made a mistake!”. It’s not entirely about blaming but also the comfort of feeling in-charge or dominant. What did you felt, when you’re elected on the school council on a position you don’t even have an idea to begin with; then you won that election. Some will say, “meh, I don’t like the responsibility.. yada yada blabla” but in your subconscious, you’re a bit amused on how you won something that you can take over, having somewhat a higher degree of power more than the commoners. That’s why politics is something to die for but I don’t want to get on that now.

It’s really funny how a person’s mind work. Like our tailor, we might be aware on what we do, but we don’t want to do something about it. – Well as long as we find comfort on what we’re doing, will keep on doing it. Attention, appraisal and authority. It’s like steps for promotion. Step 1: Get close to an authority and get the attention; Step 2: Show how great you are and grab that appraisal; Step 3: Blame someone’s mistake and scrutinize the stupidity. Act like an authority. And there you have it, you mastered the douchebag boss hack. Funny that being felt like an outcast feels bad, but for some it was never enough to be “just a part” of society. 

I TOLD YOU I'M SPECIAL

9^th of January, 2015.

4:28 am

*I forgot to post this one when I was having an overnight shift few weeks ago.