Not perfect but meant to be.

                Ever heard of the old recurring story that goes like this:  “The spaces in your finger are meant to be filled with mine.” – Well actually… If there’s no spaces, there’s no fingers. Maybe. Or we’d all look like the Powerpuff Girls minus the 3 layered pupils:

                Kidding aside, I always wondered why there are spaces on pizza box. I love pizza and probably all of us do – And seeing that precious space wasted, makes me buy more of a square shaped pizza. No space wasted. Then I realized, if the weight of the square-shaped pizza is the same as the weight of a circle-shaped one, would that make any difference? Or am I one of those people living in an illusion that what we see should always be perfect.

                Marketing agents, advertisers, brokers, sales consultants and many other forms of selling experts have been fooling us on promising things we thought we need, but we really don’t. Making us think “this” is better than “that”. Making us believe on the quality we have lived before is going to be better if we take their offers. Some might be telling the truth, but mostly… I’m not sure of it.

                Nothing is perfect, I’m sure of that. So when something is not perfect, it’s perfectly meant to be that way. What a paradox. So confusing! If you have a score of 100 out 100, that doesn’t mean you know 100% of that subject you had a test. You had to answer all of the possible question on the subject matter. So what’s the point of perfection anyway? I’ll get back to that later.

                March 2013, I went to an educational training trip at United States that lasted 3-4 months. Looking back that time, what seems to be a short ride became one of the most important drives in my life. I met this girl. I didn’t even noticed her on our long way there. We were both committed that time, so maybe that’s one reason. Then few weeks later, I got a timeout on my relationship that time. Permanently. So I decided, to continue living. Our fridge is always full, the beer is most of the time free, we live near the beach and there’s an open Jacuzzi just in front of the hotel we’re staying. Moving on was never hard for me. I’ve been there a lot of times.

                Our group was mostly women with a ratio of 1 is to 5. We were 6 guys out of 30ish girls. We’re out numbered and that’s only on our cultural group. We we’re working with Latinas, Americans, and in the later month, with Russians. It’s a cultural exchange program so we are really having the most diverse experience on our simple lives that time.

                I was a baby sitter to 5 girls. We’ll not really, but I was like their big brother. Sort of. Since roommates have to be the same sex - 4 became partners, and 1 was left out. The left out one was the roommate of “the girl I met”, as I mentioned before.

                Actually, I’m constantly being involved or issued a few times in different ladies - So most of them already had a bad impression about me. I admit, I was very flirty, then. The girl I met had this impression about me. Probably she disliked me the moment she saw me. She told me I was arrogant, aggressive, bossy, flirty, and narcissist in some way. I never knew that before, but she admitted it later in our lives. It was so hilarious, it’s probably true.

                In some way, I liked her. She’s cute, but I find the need of understanding her obscureness. She’s quiet and mysterious. She doesn’t share personal details (unlike me who uses the “talk now, regret later” approach). Although of course she’s not really the boring type. It’s just that she makes sure she’s comfortable enough in order for her to trust you. All I know is that she’s very loyal and very kind. She’s willing to sacrifice her passion just to make her partner happy or content... Which I think she made a wrong choice that time. She’s a hard drinker. She was everything I’m not and everything I never thought I’d like.

                I’m a guy who loves debates, stories, movie reviews, staying at home, reading articles, listening to rock down to heavy metal up punks and post-rocks. While at that time I thought she’s into bars and drinks, adventures, selfies, Miley Cyrus, and stays away as much as possible into having a long conversation with anyone. I think I’m too deep (narcissist). The more I think about how we managed to get along, the more I understand. It’s not me who adjusted. It’s her who let her doors opened for me.

                When they broke up, she could just ignored me. I was not her type. I know that and of course she had a bad impression on me, and I had a bad introduction of myself as well. She ignored all the facts that I’m probably “just another guy”. I had been in a lot of relationships. She just had one serious. The fact that she’s 2 years ahead of me, makes me feel worst. Yet she made a bridge.

                Most of misunderstandings starts when you are talking, and the other one is already thinking on what would be his/her response. And not even understanding first. That’s where arguments bloom. We had misunderstandings but it never goes a long way. She was always the listener and I’m always the speaker. Like how she made that bridge, she understood more than I could to myself.

                To make it this story less long, we’ve been together after we went back home to our country. We just tried it out. We started on United States. She ignored the warnings of my other friends that knew me well - that I might just have hurt her and I did. The way she understands my bipolarity, the way she handles my misfits, my arrogance and my mistakes that other girls might consider it as a “no 2^nd chance” case.

                Although our relationship is still raw in the love cooking process, it’s boiling anyways. Understanding, communication, humility, kindness, trust, support and love – all these are the sources enough for fuelling the fire. I had let her down a few times, but she still believes in me. That I make mistakes. We’re not perfect.

                Perfection is a process. It’s more of a journey than a destination. The process of aiming an impossible goal is a never ending process for improvements. That’s what relationship is all about. It’s about not being the best, but being better than yesterday. That’s why I never agree on courtship because my girl used to say “Please don’t do things to me that I’ll get used to, if you’re not going to keep it constant.” – She reminds me what “perfection” should be like while I remind her of the movies she keeps on forgetting.

Blue's Clues lovely couple in real life. 

We’re not a perfect couple, but I know we’re meant to be. We’re working on it. Happy Valentines!

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Trials and Karma, The hidden relationship

Ever heard of the story about looking through a glass filled halfway with water? Then the spectator will be asked about his/her perception about the given visuals of this glass, whether it’s a photo or an actual glass of water. The outcome expected was originally just two answers: Half-full or half-empty. Then professors, speakers or motivators will explain about how your perception about this experiment affects your everyday view about everything. If you see it as half-full, you’re a positive thinker and if you see it half-empty, you’re a negative Nancy. I have no idea how this story went viral. Quotes encrypted on the image of the glass of water was posted everywhere. The problem was you never had the chance to think about your perception on this short project. Before you even think about how you will react on the half-full/half-empty glass of water appeared on your newsfeed, you’ve already read that the only choice was this two things which is: Half-full/optimist and Half-empty/pessimist.

Plot Twist!

                Better than the original. Why are we limited to black and white when there’s another color lying around somewhere? Alright I know you’re thinking, “What’s your point?” – This is not really about the glass; or about pessimists/optimists thing; or about dragons… It’s how simple things affect people’s mind. How people would accept options given to them, as if it’s the only option they can choose from. Remember that math exam that had a multiple choice? Yeah, I hate that too. Especially that letter “d. none of the above”. – And if your teacher hated you enough, it will have a follow up instruction of “if none of the choices have the answer, write the answer in the blank” Yup! Good times, good times. But in reality, that style of answering questions in our daily lives is the proper ones. We should not be limited on the choices given to us by trying to take what the large consensus had been doing, or the norms. It’s like reinforcing the “think outside the box” because cultures are these boxes, and we’re living inside of it – Not questioning the flaws of it, but just given to see it negatively or positively. Like “you’re either with us or against us” cliché.

                Since we’re starting to visualize the past, let’s go further on our nostalgia express. Remember the high school days when there was that one girl you hated because of her slutty style flaunting the guys. Then you’d say in the back of your head “wow, what a bitch” when in reality you should all just be studying, but you watched too much teen movies so you lived your high school years like it. Better yet, that bully or the guy who insistently copies your home works and test papers with no consent whatsoever. You hate that guy. Then few years later, you heard that he didn’t pass college or stop doing school. You say to yourself – “KARMA’s sizzling up this dude’s fate plate” with your eyes glaring in a distant and a half grin on your face. That was really awful of you, but you think he probably deserved it right? And that’s the overused definition of Karma – “what comes around, goes around… bitch.”

                Then let’s make the same story, but on the different perspective. Let say your best friend did well throughout his existence. He have helped people, and made them feel better about themselves. He was the motivator of the class, and the peacemaker of your group. He is, in general, the good guy in this story. Suddenly, you lost connection with him after high school. Few years later you heard a story that he didn’t made it through college. You, now on a different perspective and in subjective opinion, thought – “I think whatever happened to him was just a TRIAL in his life, or a TEST. I’m sure he’ll be better and he can conquer it, I hope.” See the difference on how people see things differently, subjectively. But we don’t question it, do we? Did us even thought about the connection or the similarity on how we see “Karmas” and “Trials”, maybe some few individuals had already figured that out.

                We’ve seen and heard what people are already been saying to us. Motivating/comforting us on the same things over on over again. So we think bad things happen to bad people is called “Karma” and bad things happen to good people are called “Tests” or “Trials”. We never tend to question why? My thoughts are this, we never accept complicated and valid data. We only accept what is simple to understand, or what we want to hear. People hate choices, subconsciously. Free choice and big decisions drains the brain energy, that’s why passive people feel at ease than the dominant or aggressive ones. We hate it when people tell us what to do, but in reality we’ve been doing things society tells us to believe.

It’s easier to be instructed than to be the instructor. Just think about this – In school, what’s the difference between listening to your professor and doing a report in front of the class. Which is easier for you? 

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Praises and Blames

Blaming is a source of comfort

“Time is fraud. Time took my brother. I don’t believe in time” – words of our tailor. The tailor in our store is a bit mentally challenged, and the funny thing is that he is fully aware of that. He keeps on asking all of us these repetitive and annoying questions or requests; He asks also in a very bad timing, most of time. He is a bit childish and like I’ve said before, he already knew that. He asked me a dozen times, “How can I act like a big person? Like a real adult?” – Take note: these are the words of a 40 year old man with 5 children from 2 wives. I think I’m the only one who had the patience to answer most of his questions, since we’re most of the time inside the stockroom, together. I keep my answers honest and detailed, but I don’t think he listens to the details.  He’s more of a talker than a listener. He likes attention too much; that’s why whenever he makes this depressed look, I don’t show I’m affected. Some would ask him “hey, what’s wrong?” – He will just answer “Some tension, some problem.” but he will never tell you the real reason.

That’s why I just talk to him like normal. Besides, these people asking are just curious. It’s like the “Hi, how are you?” routine. Everybody asks how are you and you should answer your good. Because if you answered you’re not good, well you just engaged an awkward conversation that should finish within 2 minutes: explaining the details of why you’re not good and in exchange, they will try to comfort you… But they can’t. Everyone’s too busy, everyone has their own problems. What makes my problem special, right? I’m not going to generalize and some are really willing to listen, mostly because they want you to listen to their own also. That’s how conversation works.

Back to “Time”. Although a child mind and behavior, I can correlate to what our tailor feels. I mean not that I don’t believe in time necessarily, but time will be always there, whatever our beliefs are. I, too, admit blaming time when I’m late, or not having enough time to enjoy a day off, or time slowing down during our working hours – it’s annoying. Still I tried to explain my opinion about blaming time, but no matter how many times I tell to our tailor that everybody dies, and no one is exempted from death – it seems like it’s just too harsh to accept and I’m too hypocrite to accept it too. How can you make someone believe Santa exists, if you don’t believe it too right? It’s like being forced to defend a criminal that had all the evidence to prove him guilty; or like selling our item, which in all honesty, not my type. That’s why I find it hard when it comes to selling our product, but I find it easy selling expensive food when I was back at the food and beverage business… Because I love food. Who doesn’t right?

Why do we have to find someone or something to blame on something natural; on something finite. Why can’t we accept the fact that things happen not because for a reason, but because of our decisions. For example: You got mugged on an alleyway, somehow you had a decision to go through a dark alleyway or walk around the street. How about this one time you decided to take a cab, instead of taking the train, because you are sick of the boners all over you on a rush hour. Then, you got caught in traffic. Would you blame the traffic, the government, the driver, your pet hamster, the fluoride in the water or your boss that gave you an overtime work which is not paid? I admit the last one pretty much sucks, but still we had a decision. Our lives are a series of decisions, but it seems that we keep on overlooking that fact. I’m tired of hearing “I had no choice.” – Honestly, it makes me cringe. But hearing “I’m sorry, it was a bad decision” was somehow a bit comforting, if someone did something unpleasant to you.

What I realized is that people are comforted by two things: Praises and Blaming. When it comes to positive things, we love taking the credit. Make it the other way around, we tend to be find escape goats. Not that people do it directly but somehow they like to release the problem on an outlet while inhaling all the positive vibes like praises. I mean why would Mark Zuckerberg, inventor of Facebook, invented the “Like” button. It’s because people wants positive attention. It boosts the ego. Why do I post a picture of myself doing something cool with the coolest hobby? It’s because it does makes us feel a bit special. It comforts us to know that somewhere beyond these webs and the fiber optics of these advanced data sharing within a blink of a second, through their own cyberspace apparatus, someone cares. Care that you exist, and you do things interesting and you are beyond the ordinary (liking your facebook posts, in simple terms). Where in fact all of us are different, all of us our special in our own way but it kinda… defeats the purpose. I remember one quote of Syndrome, the antagonist of the movie “The Incredibles”, once said – “I can sell my inventions and everyone can have powers. And when everyone’s super… No one is”.

Then, there’s this story about garbage trucks. I remember it like this:

                “One morning a boy was with his dad in the car, driving around. His dad was driving very carefully and one car behind them keeps on pressing the horn and shouting bad words. Expecting to see his dad confront the man behind them, he just smiled. He asked his dad, “Why didn’t you talk back, you shouldn’t let anyone talk to you like that.” His dad smiled again while his son looking confused. He told his son – Son, you see that dump truck over there? This is what these kinds of people are going through every day. They are like these garbage truck. People get the garbage from stress on work, on finances, on family or from other people’s dump truck also. And when they’re full, they need to let it all out and dump it. It’s fine if they dump it on me, what matters most is that I don’t have the needs on collecting their garbage. That’s why I just keep on smiling.”

I don’t know if I constructed it the same way I read it but I hope it’s comprehensive enough. The point is when people find comfort from praises like the ‘likes’ on facebook, the views on their youtube channel, the re-tweets of their twitter or the followers they have on Instagram is the same way people find comfort when they say to you “you idiot, you made a mistake!”. It’s not entirely about blaming but also the comfort of feeling in-charge or dominant. What did you felt, when you’re elected on the school council on a position you don’t even have an idea to begin with; then you won that election. Some will say, “meh, I don’t like the responsibility.. yada yada blabla” but in your subconscious, you’re a bit amused on how you won something that you can take over, having somewhat a higher degree of power more than the commoners. That’s why politics is something to die for but I don’t want to get on that now.

It’s really funny how a person’s mind work. Like our tailor, we might be aware on what we do, but we don’t want to do something about it. – Well as long as we find comfort on what we’re doing, will keep on doing it. Attention, appraisal and authority. It’s like steps for promotion. Step 1: Get close to an authority and get the attention; Step 2: Show how great you are and grab that appraisal; Step 3: Blame someone’s mistake and scrutinize the stupidity. Act like an authority. And there you have it, you mastered the douchebag boss hack. Funny that being felt like an outcast feels bad, but for some it was never enough to be “just a part” of society. 

I TOLD YOU I'M SPECIAL

9^th of January, 2015.

4:28 am

*I forgot to post this one when I was having an overnight shift few weeks ago.

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Everyday Demon

Waking up to the sound of the digital alarm clock: the most useful application of smartphones nowadays. The body recognizes the sound as you fall off the bed still half-conscious. You've been getting up to it for hundreds of days, and you'll probably get up to it for a thousand more. You sit up in bed and stare at the pillow for 5 minutes, until another alarm kicks in. You're 60% awake. You go and have a shower and get dressed. Have breakfast – maybe later. You don't even have time to think for a plan, you just get cracking with what you used to do: wake up and go to work.

A day of rest is not even enough. You tried motivating others but you can't even motivate yourself – you hypocrite. You said you survived depression, yet you just had to compromise with contentment in order to keep your sanity. Then you go home early to catch up on your social life… You don't have a social life; your laptop is your social life.

You tried your best to cover up all the mistakes that you’ve made, all the hardships you went through, and all the abuse people in your daily life inflict on each other, by taking stupid photos and uploading it online. Stupid photos of things that you think make you happy. Memories that once made you smile, or even a picture of a hobby, or the things you did that make you feel good inside. The more people react positively on what you post, the more they feed your ego. Distracting and derailing your pathetic life into an adventurous wonderland: another thing that prevents you from going insane.

You made a mistake and suddenly you remembered all the mistakes you’ve made that you thought you didn’t make. But wait, someone will remind you of them as they are. You try to save what's left. Compromise your own happiness because what makes you happy is making other people happy – like you used to tell yourself when you were young. Then you grow up and you realize it's just another subjective optimization.

Deep inside you are a selfish and egoistic person. Acting smart was your cover up; cherry-picking words is your talent.

You go home after a tiring day with a tired mind. You compare yourself with miserable people in the world and you say "hey, it could be worse." Then again, you subjectively optimize after feeling worse because going home was just a reminder of how many problems you have running through your mind. Your body needs rest, but working was the only way for your problems to have a day off – so you think.

We can't have everything in the world can we? But should we?
Fuck this world, you couldn't care less. But unfortunately you're one of the 97% of the world's population that doesn't have enough money to care less. You hope for the drama and the bullshit in your life to stay away but they are there to stay. Some of the drama helped you become who you are but most of them were truly unnecessary. You blame it on social media, on advertisements and those stupid pop movies that promised you hope. Still you use, you watch, and you listen to the comforting lies.

Nobody can help you. You don't want help. You love so many characters from the literature you read, movies you watched, or the music you listened to. They’ve messed up your thoughts, and so you blame them.

It's you. It's your fault. Nobody will give you a cold fuck anyways. You post this article without even proofreading your own thoughts. You even think it's a work of art or eloquence and that it gives people epiphanies you know some would relate. But nobody will care. For everyone is just extremely curious. Anyways, what do you care? Your mediocrity at everything is what matters most to you – at the end of the day, I'm just your demon reminding you of that, and I will never leave you.

(c) Paulbrai Photography

*reviewed and edited by my pal: Rave

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The team's water boy

Outcast. Assistant. Benched. Newbie. Water boy. Whatever people call you, you'll never feel like you are a part of the team.

At least once in a while, we feel things like this. It's annoying and it's bothering the hell out of me. I never liked to be a part of a big social group. I tried a few times and it didn't work. I'm only comfortable on my high school buddies and few of my college friends. I used to be a socially active person but ever since I got out of school, things went differently.

I hate it when people forces me to communicate with a large social group such as church groups. I hate faking my smiles and my laughs. Or faking my interests. It feels like people also feels the same way about me. They don't really care. They are just curious.

Why are we obliged to say we're good on the question "how are you?". People won't bother anyways to listen on your reply when they ask you.

It's been 3 months already since I left my comfort zone. And still, I can't move on. I can't feel better. I still feel alone. Like that water gallon on the dispenser that sooner or later will get replaced. I still feel like being the bust boy or the runner. The newbie. The team's water boy.

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A month of heaven, A year of hell.

If we were talking about 500 days of Summer. You will always be my Summer.. 

My flaming hate for you will never be extinguished. Your well said goodbyes and manipulative lies still linger deep onto my bones. It keeps me wondering why would such a person like you exist? You are the heaven to guys fond of one night stands, but hell to us guys who are gullible enough for you to take advantage on us. You never cared. You just cared for yourself and satisfaction. Attention feeds your soul whether it's good or bad publicity. You are a hypocrite. I'm not against teenage moms, nor to smokers, nor drinkers. But it's funny how you hate them before and look at you now.

I hope you've changed. Because if not, I'm scared about the future of your child. You used to be smart. So smart you destroyed everyone that believed in you. You're so smart that you let down a lot of your team mates because you think you can handle everything all by yourself.

You never distinguished the difference between reality and fantasy in your life. You always wanted the drama and attention from your hobbies, to your body, and up to your families and relationships. Remembered our last fight? I wanna punch you so bad because you keep on shouting to me about something stupid in front of a lot of people in the metro station. And few years later, I found out that you told everyone that I slapped you and hurt you in the public.

You always wanted everyone to be on your side, but the truth is.. Even with your full effort, they just can't believe your lies. No not everyone. Especially to those who knew me well. And everybody knows you're a bitch. When we broke up, most of the class congratulated me. Isn't it funny? They laugh at you, smoke with you and get drunk with you. But in the end, nobody wanna stay with you.

To me you're a contract to the devil. Joy for the moment then torment and suffering for eternity. You kissed my friend in front of me, and you kissed me when he left. I can't believe I still fell for you. You know why? Because even if I knew you fucked every guy friend that takes you to their private place (including my BEST FRIEND), I still have the hope to change you. Still, you fucking wasted all of my effort.

In the end, you never ceases to amaze me. I don't know how many dicks you sucked since you were 11. And all of my guy friends were a potential fuck buddy to you. You're eager to suck everyone's dick actually. I can never compare you to a hooker or to a porn star because I think they have better morals than you.

How could you sleep at night for all the hearts you broke and all the lies you told? You never bothered to apologize, but don't worry I don't need it. You are truly the work of the devil.

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Soul Searching

Ever had the feeling that you joined an environment full of happy souls. Cheerfully singing to their unity. Held together as one as they proclaim their positive beliefs. You watch them, you try your best to get inspired as they all are. You try to be like one. You try to be like them. You try to enjoy. You try to socialize. You try it all because of the pressure and this pressure is also the one that keeps you separated from them. And you realize... "I've been to a place like this before, but it did not worked out well.." You probably just doesn't belong. But how can you conquer loneliness if you can't belong?

Sometimes, loneliness is not really what its like when your alone by yourself. Sometimes, this so-called "loneliness" is also like when you try to fit in a "square-shaped" community, even though you are a "round-shaped" person.

That precious space should also be covered with Pizza

We always try to seek what's missing in our lives. We try to walk on other's shoes in order to relate to them. But really, do we need to bother? Sure we need improvements. We need change for the betterment. We need enhancement and we need the counsel of those who already conquered. But we don't need to copy their every move. For each destination, takes a different road. We don't need to take the same path of others. We should make our own. Who cares if others go in that direction when we have other plans for ourselves, right?

Sometimes, walking alone in a road traveled less or even confining our self to that very own world we tried to make when we were younger for at least a few moments would help us feel that even the warm breeze in the morning or the last drop of rain you felt before entering your home seems to be a better company than anyone else. It starts when we focus on searching things within us waiting to be found instead of trying to research what's already discovered. In the end, it's always up to us.

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Unity at the edge of Chaos

On this day, some time in the afternoon. 1:00 pm, I presume. I was an hour ago awake. Everything's going well. I haven't taken any bath, nor lunch yet. When I decided to take my lunch, I heard screams, and smelt burnt ashes. A big gush of smoke rushing to the atmosphere. No time for "selfies." Just pack up and go. Every important documents, files and money are properly gathered (well for my mom's part, she's always ready.) Adrenaline rushing through every persons veins. There's us that tried to all the necessary things, there's some that gathered as many as they could. Then, there's always someone that tries to be a hero by helping as many people as he can - whether it's by gathering things, finding local firefighters, or being the firefighter himself. After we've settled some things at my cousin's house, we came back to our place to gather some more and place it just outside. To see what's going on and to check if someone will take advantage of the people's vulnerable houses. Visitors see our place as full of delinquents, vile and probably one of the chaotic places in the city. To us, it's a home. A home full of people having ordinary lives, striving nothing but to live. I can truly say that chaos brings unity. It's just sad that you need a trigger to have this kind of teamwork and unity. 

Black smoke turned into white as the flames are getting extinguished

I just realized I have a soviet union, fully functional gas mask. Why didn't I used that? Anyways, I'd like to thank our fast responding firefighters. They truly made everything better. Thank God, we haven't went out of town. My aunt alone could have never handle this kind of situation.

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Even the sky falls.

Ever wonder why an apple triggered Sir Isaac Newton. Well I do and I think it's the legality of the drugs that time.

"I dunno what I'm doing. lol" - Sir Isaac Newton

Ok, maybe Sir Newton wasn't high, but the apple is. But I thought if he saw a rain fall, he will already figure it out. I mean, he is the kind of guy that probably questions a lot of things in this world. Someone that will clearly object an unjustifiable law or could be the "exception" on some rules. You know. Like a resistant. Smart people resists against oppression or could be the part of oppression itself. Just an observation though.

So what is this all about? Even the sky falls. That apple fell to his head and that was one of the biggest change in history. Gravity. Even as small as a speck of dust, as light as leaves, as massive as thunderstorms. Everything falls. So why does people afraid of falling and letting go?

Help! Help! Heeeee.. Oh.

This is a scene of Aunt May in Spiderman 2. Apparently, falling from a building was definitely scary and tragically deadly. So let's cross that out on the list and let us talk metaphorically from this on forward. The problem really is that people is afraid of the unknown (here we go again). Why are we afraid of the dark? Because we can't see anything, or worse because we are seeing what we want to see which never existed in the first place. 

MOOOM! I see dead people. In the dark.
Shh go back to bed! Stop watching walking dead too much

Fear replaces what we actually see into what we don't want to see. So then again, why are we afraid in falling? We're gonna fall in love eventually anyways. Whether it's the wrong one or the right one. Just know our limitations. We can fall as light as a feather or as fragile as glass. It's up to our decisions. I choose to be the rain. Accumulated by the water from Earth, formed in the sky then fall back to Earth. Because it's natural for everything to fall. Give yourself a chance. You can be a cloud waiting for the right place to fall, don't hold back. Let it fall and if it that doesn't work out, you can climb in the sky again and fall. Who knows, you might stay there if things go smoothly or if you choose to stay.

The apple fell to Newton and it became as one of the best discoveries, It's your chance to discover or be discovered.

(This was inspired by this blog by the way: clickhere
It's really awesome and also I've been watching The Da Vinci Code movie and Isaac Newton made me think about gravity and all that stuff. I'm open for criticism, I know my grammar was horrible.)

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Te amo, cibum.

Wow, so Latin. Much amaze. Wow.

This "doge"  always pops out of my thought balloon every time I think about what am I gonna write next. Get out of here doge!

Anyways, what is this Te amo, cibum. I just searched about the latin word for "food" and it was "cibum". Now, you'll probably know where this is going. Why latin? Usually, root words for terminologies or scientific words comes from latin. words with suffixes "phile" is the best example. "Philia" or "phile" is connected to either things that people had a certain arousal or things that people love or having an obsession with.
Example:

Pluviophile- is a love for rain. A person that loves raining.
Retrophilia- love for things of the past
Necrophilia- sexually attracted to zombies. Ok zombies might not be the term, still doesn't make it less disgusting.

> Here's a list of all the philia's:
   http://www.packerwire.net/read.php?4,110356

Back to the topic, I searched for Cibum+Philia means love for food. Google suggested me to this

 

And I had this "Ooooh. Ok." *clicks suggestion* kind of face. Then I realize it was phobia not philia. To make this long story short, I was weirded out by the fact that there are people afraid on food? While most of the time I'm like:

That's not really how Cibophobia works. I just need to let this thought out. Anyways read more about cibophobia HERE.

**update**
I just also found out that sometimes, our phobias are not actually what it seems. For example if people have a fear of a certain food or food itself, either he:
1. Hates the taste;
2. Traumatic experience with the food;
3. Traumatic experience that had the presence of the food while the traumatic phenomena is occurring. or;
4. Traumatic experience so traumatic that it had to be replaced by a representation which happens to be an object or by this topic, a food.

Let say when I was 5, I was left in a grocery store in the vegetable section by my single mom. My mom never returned and I never knew what happened to her. Some guys kidnapped me and promised me that they will take care of me. It turned out that they will turn me into a circus freak and whip me like an animal during training. Now I'm will stay away to vegetables and sooner or later, I'd have a flashback of terrible experiences with vegetables and will make me become afraid of them due to the subconscious thought of my traumatic experience that so terrible, I need to redirect the part of my trauma into a less terrible phobia which is obviously, vegetables.

For better explanation, watch the last chapters of the movie "A fantastic fear of everything". It's actually a bad movie. I only watched it because of Simon Pegg.

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