The team's water boy

Outcast. Assistant. Benched. Newbie. Water boy. Whatever people call you, you'll never feel like you are a part of the team.

At least once in a while, we feel things like this. It's annoying and it's bothering the hell out of me. I never liked to be a part of a big social group. I tried a few times and it didn't work. I'm only comfortable on my high school buddies and few of my college friends. I used to be a socially active person but ever since I got out of school, things went differently.

I hate it when people forces me to communicate with a large social group such as church groups. I hate faking my smiles and my laughs. Or faking my interests. It feels like people also feels the same way about me. They don't really care. They are just curious.

Why are we obliged to say we're good on the question "how are you?". People won't bother anyways to listen on your reply when they ask you.

It's been 3 months already since I left my comfort zone. And still, I can't move on. I can't feel better. I still feel alone. Like that water gallon on the dispenser that sooner or later will get replaced. I still feel like being the bust boy or the runner. The newbie. The team's water boy.

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Soul Searching

Ever had the feeling that you joined an environment full of happy souls. Cheerfully singing to their unity. Held together as one as they proclaim their positive beliefs. You watch them, you try your best to get inspired as they all are. You try to be like one. You try to be like them. You try to enjoy. You try to socialize. You try it all because of the pressure and this pressure is also the one that keeps you separated from them. And you realize... "I've been to a place like this before, but it did not worked out well.." You probably just doesn't belong. But how can you conquer loneliness if you can't belong?

Sometimes, loneliness is not really what its like when your alone by yourself. Sometimes, this so-called "loneliness" is also like when you try to fit in a "square-shaped" community, even though you are a "round-shaped" person.

That precious space should also be covered with Pizza

We always try to seek what's missing in our lives. We try to walk on other's shoes in order to relate to them. But really, do we need to bother? Sure we need improvements. We need change for the betterment. We need enhancement and we need the counsel of those who already conquered. But we don't need to copy their every move. For each destination, takes a different road. We don't need to take the same path of others. We should make our own. Who cares if others go in that direction when we have other plans for ourselves, right?

Sometimes, walking alone in a road traveled less or even confining our self to that very own world we tried to make when we were younger for at least a few moments would help us feel that even the warm breeze in the morning or the last drop of rain you felt before entering your home seems to be a better company than anyone else. It starts when we focus on searching things within us waiting to be found instead of trying to research what's already discovered. In the end, it's always up to us.

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