Apology.

This is an apology. Remember my last blog? yup. I punched a friend of mine. I punched him so hard in front of his house yet he didn't fought back. I felt so much guilt it ate my anger. Even though what he did deserves more than a punch, who am I to judge or to give a sentence, neither put justice in my hands.

Don't worry, it's my own blood on my hands.

I'm really sorry for this raging heart, I'm still a kid and manages to be aware for that but couldn't control my emotions. I'm sorry for my mom and dad for being such a pain in the ass.. I'm sorry that you'd have to understand me but couldn't understand you in return :( I'm sorry I'm such a foul mouthed freak that couldn't express myself without saying something bad. And I'm sorry God if I always sin.

I wanted to change, believe me. I want to be better. But somehow procrastination eats this superego thinking that anytime later I can change, taking it for granted. I'm really sorry if i'm not a man that I'm supposed to be.

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As of this moment.

As of this moment I heard silence.

As of this moment nothing thinks me.

As of this moment I feel no presence.

As of this moment my front and back are being stabbed.

As of this moment, literally blood drips in my hand.

As of this moment, the wall shared my pain.

As of this moment red sea is what I see.

As of this moment, my heart beats twice.

As of this moment, I think, why?

As of this moment, my only friend is moonshine.

As of this moment, consciousness departs on my head.

As of this moment, I wonder when will this shall end.

As of this moment, I want to clear my mind.

As of this moment I want to kill this life.

As of this moment, I try not to be over dramatic.

Because as of this moment, tomorrow this will be tragic.

So that's how it feels like to punch the wall many times. Very messy. And even made me write this 5 minute poetry. God bless me. I will sin a little.

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Nope, we don't think alike.

The world is always filled with battles, battles between religion, race, politics, video games, cooking shows. You name it! But what fascinates me the most were the battle between sexes. Nope, it's not the battle we do in the bed (no pun intended). But the battle among thy men and thy woman. Yes, the never ending battle against supremacy. Who is the best? Who is the better? Who will never shout never? Ugh...

This picture I grabbed from a friend on facebook,
 I don't think she knows me but still thanks for this. LOL

That's right kids.. Give me the finger. You see children, this is wrong. But I dig this! Its genius! Anyways, I know its a bad joke. Never shout never. Tss. So I can see all of you inhabitants reacting like that (I knew it coming. Take that). Enough with the joke. The real point of this was the Gender issues. Who is better? Who is loser? The guys? The gals? The chicks? The dicks? Boys? Girls?

I'm a guy, but I'll try not to biased here, this was my opinion so don't get all mad. Nobody's better. We have differences which of course a lot of people already know. I know the people who have some time to read my bullshits here are smart people :D Enough with the sucking readers thoughts. For me, physically.. men and women's body and capability is almost identical. BUT. Men practiced from their childhood to carry this, work for that, do this, fix that. If a woman is built the same way men were, you will understand what I'm blabbering here. Next was, in terms of world's point view.. Women can do what men can do.. then again.. BUT.. Men can't. You know why men can't? Well men can, but world will see it as either "you're gay cause you do girl stuffs. HA-HA" or "Women already did that, why would you wanna do that?". That's right. World is sexist. I hate it but somehow, I also get that mentality. Its bad to judge. I just hope that if people can't say something good, or just gonna brag.. Don't say it at all.. It's the root of all the fights, judgement, debates and did i say fights?

WORLD PEACE OUT YO!

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You take it, I take you.

"What would you take?"

This Image Was From The Movie MATRIX

"You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. 

You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

This question was asked by Morpheus to Neo from the movie "Matrix". Sound so wrong, right? I mean, why would you let this guy show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes? Never mind for those who don't get it. Its a weird innuendo. Anyways anyways anywaaays, If you'd have the chance to choose from the two? 

Would you take the...

 Blue pill      or     the Red pill? 

I used "paint" for this picture. LOL.

No, this Isn't about the Jabbawockeez' dance song titles, but this was much more of a choice. It's a choice whether you want to wake up on the dream that turning out to be a nightmare, or to stay in the dream. Preventing it from turning into a nightmare, slay the "jabberwocky". And be the hero of your dream.

Is it the question that complicates you? No. You gotta admit, the choices made it difficult. The Blue - which will wake you up and believe what you want to believe isn't the one that faces reality, it's a 'blissful ignorance of illusion'  that makes you BELIEVE what you want to believe and ignore the fact the you can face the challenges of life. The Red - which will make you stay and 'see how deep the rabbit-hole goes' wasn't the dream actually, its accepting where you are and what is happening around that you thought was a "dream". It was really 'embracing the sometimes painful truth of reality'. It's what the Matrix and Alice in the Wonderland want us to realize. Not because it looks like a nightmare, it wasn't real. 


Decisions, decisions. In the end, it will be always your choice. Don't let other OPINIONS destroy your BELIEFS, FAITH and HOPE. And most importantly, no matter what we pick, whether a blue, red or even green.. 


It's staying strong after the effect of the pill that counts the most. So stay strong.




(Most information was found in wikipedia and yahoo.com)

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This will END shortly after the BREAK.

Damn it why this time!?

What would you feel if its the most important part of your most favorite show. And this showed up? Not to mention of Japanese horror character showing up. YIKES. Well, aside from crept out, you'd be pissed right? Yes? No? Normally, I become very emotional. I go "damned" and kick or punch something (only when I'm alone, I become that violent), then I start to somehow teary, depends on how emotional I am on that time (again, only when alone). 

Let's put this situation in reality, what would you feel if the most important person left you in your supposed to be most important day. Who will be happy? Under some circumstances, maybe some will be glad but overall, it's really painful. I mean let say its your anniversary, and then suddenly "this doesn't work out anymore" phrase you heard instead of "I love you". If that was a joke, it's fucking mean. Anyways.. If that'll happen to me, my brain will go like that television. Out of signal. Go brrrrshhh... and needs to be tapped so hard to get back.

If I'm a television, my channel will be love station. I will tell everyday of my life to my one and only viewer that I love every inch of her. I might be broken and go brrrrssshh and won't be able to say it again. At least until the very last time, I'd be able let her know how much I love her, even if its just words.. 

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Parasomnias and Insomnias.

Few years ago, Facebook wasn't bit much of a fame. People uses different kinds of "Social Networking Sites" and by that time, Myspace is the most famous. But people in the Philippines had a different SNS. It was called Friendster :). Friendster hit people in here, Philippines, by a storm. It all started like 5-6 years ago. People we're like "hey check this out.", and I was like a "feel cool" kid back then on my 5th grade. I said, who would give a damn bout that, but then I saw my crush. And i was like "nah, I'll give this a chance." So i ask people on how to make this.. in a coooool way. Then I add my crush as my friend. And everynight, there I was.. Stalking. Stalking. and staaaalking. XD 

3-4 years later, It had so many thing that's been going bout friendster, it had games, applications, profile designs. People became experts at CSS codes which is positive for later purposes. But then. It was a bit over-rated. It sure was, except there's one thing which I think opened my eyes into blogging, and that was the "friendster blogger". Some shit right? Anyways, I opened up my account and it's still there. Boo yah. I searched some profiles of my college friends, and nothing had bit changed. Anyways, I've read my very first blog, and it goes like this:

what is the natural time to take down deep in slumber? 9? 10? 11? 12 is common. but guess what.. last night i fell asleep on the “9″ but not 9pm its freakin 9am . what in the world is wrong with me???? i searched some sleep disorders in wikipedia and here’s what i got:

• Insomnia
:Continuously having difficulty in falling asleep and sleep maintenance.

• Bruxism
: Involuntarily grinding or clenching of the teeth while sleeping

• Narcolepsy
: Excessive daytime sleepiness, often culminating in falling asleep spontaneously and unwillingly at inappropriate times.

• Night terror
, Pavor nocturnus, sleep terror disorder: abrupt awakening from sleep with behavior consistent with terror

• Parasomnias
Disruptive sleep-related events involving inappropriate actions during  sleep stages - sleep walking and night-terrors are examples.

• Rapid eye movement behavior disorder
 (RBD): Acting out violent or dramatic dreams while in REM sleep

• Restless legs syndrome
 (RLS): An irresistible urge to move legs. RLS sufferers often also have PLMD.

ok my commonly, i have insomnia.. a R-E-A-L insomnia, not just you have been stayed awake in or 2 or 3 in the morning or something like that.  but what i felt was this..
“gah.. i’m tired.. gonna hit the sack now… whew.. im just waiting till im in dreamland…. any minute now.. here we go..”
6 freakin hours later…
“oh my God! what the heck is happening!!!”
then
*applause*
mission success..
but then the ring bells…   “DOPE!!!   NOHHHHHHH!!!”
happy ending isn’t it? before i had a sleepwalking disorder when i was a kid.. and i thought it would be cool.. but when i slept over to my cousin’s.. guess what.. almost saw the light passed away.. it wasn’t cool i assure you.. cause i’m freakin standing in stairs waiting to make a wrong step and then.. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot… *clear*
well not that worse..  but good thing my aunt rescued me.. she told “hoy bat gising ka na” (why are you not sleeping and dreaming and standing and you know?) and then she looked at me and.. i’m snoring.. maybe it sounds that i’m just joking but its the truth that don’t hurt, right?
one things for sure.. tonight will be the same night as last night.. :(((

Who would have know? I've been into blogging ever since. No. I meant I've been into paranormal activities since I was a kid, I almost forgot that thing. Good thing I've read this. And right now, parasomnias and insomnias still occurs, during summer and vacations. I fell asleep last night on 6am. Imagine. I heard my cousin's alarm. He's gonna wake up when I'm just gonna get to deep down slumber. I don't even work. Oh well. 

HAHA

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A Nature Of A Women's Broken Heart.

HELLO! Damn this, I really blog less. When I first used this, I almost write to it everyday. Although, I know nobody reads this, I like spilling out the juice out my mind. Now, without further adieu.. Something pop out my mind.. And it's something about. Not me. For the first time! I guess.

Well I'm not that observant person, but reading blogs, articles, watching chick flicks(I KNOW), seeing friends, relatives. I must say, there's nothing.. or RARELY women have in common. Men have a lot things in common. Totally transparent.

Let's talk about this one thing common between women. Women are very, very different from the other one. There's a certain combination that makes them so distinct from each other. There's no "nerdy" that is just a total bookworm. There can be a hot nerdy, a religious nerdy, a rebel nerdy, an evil nerdy or a musical nerdy? I don't exactly know. You get the point. And now you say "that's the fucking personality! And there's guys like that! how come men are the same!? You fucking idiot!" Relax, relax! Actually I don't know! But remember, i said "so as the ladies" and for the explanation about how men are the same..

You see, men. We have different personalities. At some situation. We can be jackasses at some exact moment. Like when we're drunk or stuff like that, you know over excitement. We can be aggressive at same exact time too, like those anger problems. You know what i'm talking about. We have the same response for different situations. Wait. we have same, different response at the same, different situations. Ok, more confusions. If you get me, you're damn good.(and might contradict me. I might be wrong) And if you don't. I don't care. This is not the topic, alright maybe a part of the topic. MOVING ON....

Here's the thing I wanna let out, I think many people realize this. But when women, started out as a simple looking person. Like let say, doesn't go much on vanity. You know, brushing her hair is what she does in front of the mirror most of the time. Not too much, not too little.. Before that, I must say. Women fall in love easy. Some men too, but women really care so much about little efforts which some douche bag men take advantage(damn you some men that destroy the name of being a real men!). Anyways... Women (mostly) when fallen in love for the first time then got their hearts broken.. Few remains the same. THEY BECOME BETTER THAN EVER, after moving on. They become more conscious on how will they look, what to say, or what will they dress. OR. become bitchy, Men otherwise when got heartbroken, they will remain the same, or if they have the looks and confidence.. they will become a player (say whaaat!? now that's what i'm talking about from before!)

Conclusion is : Don't break a women's heart if you don't wanna see her looking hotter than ever WITH another guy.

Photo by xdestineex from flickr.com (thanks for this awesome photography!)

P.S.

YOU are unique. Just like everybody else. Sounds wrong? nope. That's the truth. If there's a similarity between BILLIONS of people in this world. That must be, uniqueness and originality.

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Someone's bored. What now?

"haha", "yeah..", "whatever", "ugh", "...", (WHAT WOULD I REPLY TO THIS?)

Frustrated about your conversation? Yeah, everybody is.. You see, interest comes from the words someone will reply to you. Whether its a simple nod or an "i don't know". You can tell if someone don't really know the shit you are talking about, or someone just simply... doesn't give a fuck. Face it. We can't be entertaining to everybody. Not even stars, aliens, ghosts, spider-man or Peter Griffin can be entertaining to some. People aren't the same.

About this people. Hmm. People also change, or somehow.. It is their personality before and then they change then the "before personality" came back? But then we don't notice it, because what we see is their interest, which we don't care if its real, or fake. Ok, I think this might be confusing but... People unintentionally or intentionally hide their feelings. So as their interest. They may laugh or accompany you at first. But believe me, only few stays, and get interested.

Sometimes, I wish I could be an animal. A dog which can be entertaining. I never get tired with dogs. But this is life. Face the reality. We can't please everyone. We can only attract attention (at first)

I'm so sleepy and stoned, I don't know what in the hell I'm discussing. I just wanna put a story on that dog. XD

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Let's walk in a straight line.

Got so drunk. I fell asleep. Puked. Almost. Ate a scorching hot noodles. And sang a song all at the same time. Whoa. Last night was so awesome. I never thought I'd reached that moment. It was almost cloud 9. Laughters and no more tears formula was inside of that rhum bottle. Chased by beer. Followed by tea and ice. It was helluva night. Although the drinking session wasted moments started when we're all boys there. It was nothing but happy times. Though, like a bottle threw to my head, Spirit hit my mind hard. I straightened it up and the heat lined to my throat falling down through my esophagus. It feels like heaven and hell at the same time. I see double visions. There's only one light open but seeing it through the ceiling fan, it felt like it's disco lights. The world is spinning around. I'm weak at this but I tried to get wasted. I did. And at first, I liked it. But I'm still awake when I got the hangover. Yep. I'm hanging for the moment. I'm hanging for 3 hours. I asked for this. I want this. But hell, do I hate this feeling. This isn't the solution. But the pain on my cerebrum forgot you for the moment. All I'm centered in is the pain on my brain while my hearts beats faster and faster.

 It's fine. I'm fine. It's my first time.

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My 15 minutes of limelight is over.

Ever got the feeling that you're used to be on that position, on that situation? And the moment you knew that.. It's over. You just got replaced. It's normal. It's life. One time you're employed. The next thing you'll know..
...
..
.
You're fired.

I just don't get it. Ok, you know what sucks more than that? It's when you're chosen to be in the top position. But waits for your turn! It's like having an unsure reservation. Sigh. Why do I get emotions. Seriously. I want to remove this piece of crap that doesn't help me at all. I want to wake up someday.. That I don't feel anything. I don't react on what I see. I don't care on everybody. I don't love. I don't hate. I don't get infatuated. I don't get high. I don't get pain. I wish there's an "off switch" to emotions. The fuck! I hate this. How can I resist? Waking up seeing you in my deep, dark, useless mind.

One day. I'll get over this unsure feeling, I always have. Seeing you with other people. I can dig that. You're having friends. Ignoring me as always. Damn it that I can't. I don't care if its selfish. Who doesn't want to have your time. But when I'm with you. I'm left speechless, because I got nothing to say. Maybe that's the reason I'm replaced. I can't make the conversations alive. And all I got to say is nod, smile, and do some things. I'm helluva boring person. I'm good only at the first part. Maybe this is the feeling. The feeling of being left. I know its unsure that you're leaving me. We don't have any label on our relationship. All I know its a fucking secret. But I can't hold this any longer. In a just a month, I'm fucking infatuated with you. Who cares if its not love. It's still fucking irritating and comfortable at the same time.. I hate this. I hate emotions. And I hate you. I hate you for playing with me.. Because of you, I can't see any other fish. You're like a one big tuna blocking my view! I'll never get over you, until I win you over. 

You're a breeze. That gives me shiver and fond touch at random times. Which I won't know when will arrive. And can't get it even if I want to. I can't. I can't.

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