Let's walk in a straight line.

Got so drunk. I fell asleep. Puked. Almost. Ate a scorching hot noodles. And sang a song all at the same time. Whoa. Last night was so awesome. I never thought I'd reached that moment. It was almost cloud 9. Laughters and no more tears formula was inside of that rhum bottle. Chased by beer. Followed by tea and ice. It was helluva night. Although the drinking session wasted moments started when we're all boys there. It was nothing but happy times. Though, like a bottle threw to my head, Spirit hit my mind hard. I straightened it up and the heat lined to my throat falling down through my esophagus. It feels like heaven and hell at the same time. I see double visions. There's only one light open but seeing it through the ceiling fan, it felt like it's disco lights. The world is spinning around. I'm weak at this but I tried to get wasted. I did. And at first, I liked it. But I'm still awake when I got the hangover. Yep. I'm hanging for the moment. I'm hanging for 3 hours. I asked for this. I want this. But hell, do I hate this feeling. This isn't the solution. But the pain on my cerebrum forgot you for the moment. All I'm centered in is the pain on my brain while my hearts beats faster and faster.

 It's fine. I'm fine. It's my first time.

Read More

My 15 minutes of limelight is over.

Ever got the feeling that you're used to be on that position, on that situation? And the moment you knew that.. It's over. You just got replaced. It's normal. It's life. One time you're employed. The next thing you'll know..
...
..
.
You're fired.

I just don't get it. Ok, you know what sucks more than that? It's when you're chosen to be in the top position. But waits for your turn! It's like having an unsure reservation. Sigh. Why do I get emotions. Seriously. I want to remove this piece of crap that doesn't help me at all. I want to wake up someday.. That I don't feel anything. I don't react on what I see. I don't care on everybody. I don't love. I don't hate. I don't get infatuated. I don't get high. I don't get pain. I wish there's an "off switch" to emotions. The fuck! I hate this. How can I resist? Waking up seeing you in my deep, dark, useless mind.

One day. I'll get over this unsure feeling, I always have. Seeing you with other people. I can dig that. You're having friends. Ignoring me as always. Damn it that I can't. I don't care if its selfish. Who doesn't want to have your time. But when I'm with you. I'm left speechless, because I got nothing to say. Maybe that's the reason I'm replaced. I can't make the conversations alive. And all I got to say is nod, smile, and do some things. I'm helluva boring person. I'm good only at the first part. Maybe this is the feeling. The feeling of being left. I know its unsure that you're leaving me. We don't have any label on our relationship. All I know its a fucking secret. But I can't hold this any longer. In a just a month, I'm fucking infatuated with you. Who cares if its not love. It's still fucking irritating and comfortable at the same time.. I hate this. I hate emotions. And I hate you. I hate you for playing with me.. Because of you, I can't see any other fish. You're like a one big tuna blocking my view! I'll never get over you, until I win you over. 

You're a breeze. That gives me shiver and fond touch at random times. Which I won't know when will arrive. And can't get it even if I want to. I can't. I can't.

Read More